By no means was I being sarcastic in any one of my thoughts or questions. If I had sarcasm in my tone I'd use on of the faces icon expressions.
I appogise if I got this wrong. What did you actually mean by this comment then?
"What would be your definition of a good friend? What works for you? I wanna know because I want to make sure I'm looking at it from a 10,000 foot view"
I read this to mean you would like to recognise my idea of a freind so that you could avoid them by 10,000 foot. I appologise if I misunderstaood what you are saying.
Quote: I'm not in here to stick up for anyone or their beliefs...and quite honestly I'm not sure who you say I'm sticking up for.
I appologise for my assumption. It came from these comments.
"From the way I take what she said was that she didn't think the immature ones were unsuitable, she just didn't like that they preyed on a part of him that was impressionable at the time, even if they were telling him he was making a mistake. There was no judging of their behavior and what they did, she viewed them as a real threat to her marriage.
It bothers me that you suggest she should have left so Mr. W doesn't harbour guilt. For the record, you have turned that to place blame, where there should not be any."
It still seems that you are answering for, and sticking up for Betsey but if you say you are not then I i'll take your word for it and appologise once again.
Quote: all I suggested is that you can't MAKE him want to do anything about it. All I mean is that he's either going to care about those desires and needs, or he isn't. You're absolutely right...he should stick to it...but if he doesn't, what is your next move? Do you continue to harp on how important it is for you that he not do that?
You are so right. Being late on a day we have arranged to spend time together has happened twice now. The first time I was gutted. It was not something he would usually do. I over reacted I know that. The second time made me realise that he will do what he wants regardless and I have accepted that. It is up to him. BUT It is also up to me how I deal with that. So, the plan is if he phones to say he needs to go to the pub that is fine. I respect that. He works hard and likes to unwind with his buddies. He is welcome to go and we can re-schedule for another day. (no hard feelings) This means I can do something with my evening rather than just sit around waching the dinner spoil. I can take the children to the fun house so that they are not disapoited that their father didn't turn up. I also get a chance to have a sit down and a chat with other mums.
Alternatively, I can drop the boys off at the family room in the bar with my H and I can have a couple of hours chilling out with my friends, shopping or doing whatever. We can met up later to eat and spend the rest of the evening together.
The problem is more about me needing a break than him going to the bar. They are his children too. I do the lions share of the care; I need to make sure that my needs are met in order to be an effective parent. It does none of us any good if I am exhausted.
Either is acceptable to me. I just don't want to be hanging round getting would up whilst he is out relaxing. It isn't fair.
I think that this is a fair compromise. Do you feel that this is me trying to change him? I am aware that any changes I 'force' him to make will be under duress and therefore not real and long lasting. As I have said before I am into making this R work for the long haul not just trying to keep him happy for a couple of weeks.
"Good friends don't give advice, they ask the right questions...not leading questions...objective questions on important issues. They don't project their own feelings into your R."
This *is* a huge generalisation of what a good friend is. This is your idea of a good friend.. This does not sound like *my* idea of a good friend. My idea of a good friend *DOES* give advice!! I want to know my friends feelings on my R . I want to know what they see from their standpoint. It is important to me that they are honest and that they speak from the heart..not ask questions that make me think. Their thoughts, feelings and opinions make me think.
I hope that clears things up a little. I do appologise if I have misunderstood where you are coming from. best wishes at all times Pink.
