Are you sure that your compromise approach isn't still attempting to change him? One of the first things is working on changing you...so just checking.
Of course it is going to require change from him. But he is not forced to do it. It is his choice. Do you think it is wrong for me to express my needs and desires? Should I just be a quiet little doormat and accept anything he chooses to do? No, I can't do that neither would he expect me to. If I did that I would be filled with resentment and anger. He would feel that and be unhappy. I don't think I ask an awful lot. The biggest issue right now is that he keeps to his word. When he says he will be here at 5pm i don't want him to phone up at 4pm and say he will be home at 8 as he is going to the bar. This is unfair on me and the children as we have often planned a dinner and they are looking forward to it. If he wants to go to the bar I am happy with that as long as he has not made arrangements to see us. By the way...I don't phone him and say come round Thursady at 5...he phones and asks when it is convenient for him to come over...if he suggested 8pm Friday and that is not convenient as the kids are in bed then he can make it another night. If I say Tuesday after work is OK with me, how is that for you and he agree's then he should stick to it.
Sometimes I compromise to make him happy too. I feel good about doing that, because I know he appreciates it.
Quote: I believe every person you come in contact influences our life in some way. Heck, you've influenced me and my choices and my thoughts about my XH and my experiences, what makes you believe that your husbands friends won't have an impact on him?
I agree. He has the right to be influenced as you do. Why is it Ok for you and not for him. My H friends do have an impact on him, I can see that. The extent he lets them influence him is up to him. I can't control that nor would I want to. For the record my H friends seem to drink rather a lot. If my H hangs round with them I am sure he will drink more than he should. His choice, I am not going to sit at home and worry about it. I am not his mother. I would not even comment on it unless it begins to effect me. It's his business.
Quote: What would be your definition of a good friend? What works for you? I wanna know because I want to make sure I'm looking at it from a 10,000 foot view.
Not sure what you mean here, it sounds quite sarcastic. But I will give it the benefit of the doubt and answer it seriously. My idea of a friend is someone that does not try to mother or stick up for me but supports me in whatever I want to do. When I do as I wish..(and we all do anyway!) is happy to celebrate with me during good times when things go wrong - console me. My best friend is actually 'THE' funniest person you could wish to meet.She makes me laugh and being around her is a tonic in itself. She gives me her honest opinion all of the time whether I ask for it or not and does not get offended when I take no notice of what she says. I have other friends who, like you mention ask appropriate questions and try to get me to think...but *I* find this so frustrating. I like a preson who; if they have something to say says it. Why beat about the bush? It is impossble to genralise about what makes a good friend. We are all so different and our needs are so diverse. There is no one size fits all. I am sorry if you think that odd. Maybe it's US/ Britain thing?
Quote: I'm not trying to be combatative here...just trying to work though as we always do.
You don't sound combative. You sound like someone sticking up for their friend. I hate it when people try to stick up for me it implies that I am incapable of doing so for myself.
