Quote: So, you only approved of friends that wanted to see your R reconciled?
No, I didn't say this at all. You asked me a question, and that was why I considered the beer buddies threats vs. friends. I answered the question from my perspective, and I stand behind it.
Quote: Who are we to say that others need ...or are ready for spiritual growth and accountability?
Pink, I consider a true friend someone who cares about me so much that they dare to sit me down and ask me to consider something from a different perspective. If they are friends and they love me and don't want to see me hurt, they do these things. It's not up to them to get me to do things their way, but to CONSIDER all options before making any big decisions.
I almost dropped out of college after 2 years. My dad lectured me until I was blue in the face... and for a good reason. I was going to run away from some hideous personal problems and head to California with a less than desirable BF. My parents couldn't get through to me. HOWEVER... my best friends did. They knew me as well (if not better) than I knew myself. And they asked me to consider the consequences for doing something so drastic. Because of them, I finished college and made the dean's list and went on to graduate school. Pink, I have a great and well paying job because of that--and these women are still my friends. Good friends do this for others, and they risk being outcast because they dare to express their concern and opinion. I want friends, not acquaintances...
Quote: I can think of nothing worse than havingmy friends encouage me to seek therapy or tell me that what I was doing to H was wrong when I needed space. I felt bad enough at that time without my friends disaproving of me too. I wanted my friends to offer me support in whatever choices I made.
Not me. And I hope I never have friends who kow tow to me, especially when they see me making potentially serious mistakes or errs in judgment.
Quote: If your friends cared about you so much why would they encourage you to stay in an unhappy relationship?
They weren't encouraging this at all, Pink. But they knew me well enough to know that I had only considered one option, and that was mine. I couldn't and wouldn't see any other--and they knew it. Leaving only resolved one issue: getting out of the house. They knew full well that I was part of the problem and encouraged me to fix them. I even had a colleague tell me she was praying for me, as I seemed addicted to create drama to distract myself from the real problems. I was horribly insulted, but you know something? She was RIGHT. Dead on right.
I have a friend who HAS tried all available options. And I'm supporting her in her decision to leave her H. He's just not willing to do anything about the problem but blame her. She's not nearly as single minded as I am... and that's why I feel the way I do about my friends.
Single minded people tend to make the same mistakes over and over and they wonder why they seem to be destined for a life where happiness falls short of the mark. This isn't an accident, Pink... it's a direct consequence for choosing to believe that I have all the answers I need. If God meant for me to be completely independent, he'd have beamed me to an island void of other humans. Instead, he made us all inter-dependent... and if I had chosen to allow myself to blindly move out, I'd be dealing with not only leaving, but creating more problems and dealing with my own guilt. Thank goodness I listened to what my friends had to say: because of them, I looked deep inside and found instead that I needed a change of heart.
A change of heart. Go figure.
Hopefully, others will have something to say so it doesn't look like I'm ganging up on you....
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
