Hi Slowly.

I wish I knew why he does this too... My thoughts are that he grew up in family where both parents drank a lot. I don't know how they behaved when they were drunk we've never discussed it but I can imagine that they must have been unpredictable and said and did things that they didn't mean. I also know his dad was a serious gambler (I learned this fron H's mum) One xmas he spent all of his wages and pretended he had lost it. I imagine H is used to getting let down and just managed somehow to shut down from his feelings. I think he found it safer to say nothing, keep a low profile and feel as little as possible in order to survive. He still hasn't shaken this habit.

the parents split up when the dad met someone else....mum did too. The only problem was that they both met drinkes so the problem intensified.

I'm not sure about his self esteem. He is quite selfish and pus himself first much of the time. This indicates to me that he does like himself and feels worthy of buying himself things etc...o it could mean the opposite... He does crave popularity. He loves to be liked and to please others.

When I am angry with him he tends to retreat and wait untill the storm has passed. It could be that he feels I will give him chance after chance... When he wants to do something he will do it, regardless of how it effect others...he will then be full of remorse pleading ignorance. Little boy lost kind of thing.

He has just phoned actually to ask what is happening tonight in case we have crossed wires so I had to go over it all...I will drop the boys off and have a couple of hours in town and then he will take them swimming, I'll cook dinner for us all etc... He 'appears' to be trying very hard....

What similarities do you see in your H?

Best wishes Pink.