Life Is What You Make It.

[Underdog]

OY, Pink! I should have been more specific before I bolted... I didn't intend on you focusing on that ACA discussion but the exercise that Meredith started on considering (the bottom of page 1). I think it's something that might benefit you... I wanted you to read on, as there were several people who posted their "considerations" as well (including me).

However, I will say that Mr. Wonderful is an adult child of alcoholics. Conflict avoiding, emotion suppressing alcoholics. I'm not trying to draw any lines between your H and Mr. Wonderful or Meredith's XH... but just asking questions to learn more about why he's not got people in his life who are really close to him.

That's a dynamic my XH has encouraged since he moved out. He actually started it long before then. When we met (in CA), he had a large group of really good friends. Then we married and moved here. He didn't seem anxious to make friends. And he was asked... his simple reply when I asked him? "You're all I need and you're my best friend."

I let him know that one of the reasons I fell in love with him was the fact that he had a life and a group of friends who are friends and not acquaintances... and I didn't want to be responsible for his social life. The years went on, and you can imagine my surprise when he told me after he left that he resented the fact that our entire social life was built around my friends. Pink, that was his choice and doing, and not mine.

But the underlying theme here might bear more mulling and consideration. If he seems to prefer hanging out with bar mates as a simple objection to your control, that's easy enough. But if he chooses to engage in Rs where there is no intimacy or depth, it might be a smokescreen for a really huge issue.

I say these things not to be an alarmist, but just to find some stuff to chew on and consider. Which is why I wanted you to do the consideration exercise....

Make sense?

Betsey