Dinner went really well. We did chat, and one of the things that was uncovered was that he is feeling a little lost at the moment. Things have changed so drastically between us that he is feling confused and vulnerable. On one hand he is 'enjoying it whilst it lasts' (read that as not expecting it to last!) and on the other hand trying to GAL himself and build up new social circle. (He has recently moved jobs from somewhere 200 miles away to something very near home - so he is trying to fit in to his new job and make friends)It *must* be a dificult time for him.
This isn't helped at all by the fact that I am highly sensitive at the moment. Something I *really* hate about myself. If he does something that I don't want him to, I see it as him pulling back and I get very anxious about it blowing it out of all proportion. He then see's this as me going off him again. A viscious circle you might say. I really feel that I need to get to a place where I can tell him how I feel when I feel it. (Or would it be better to talk to someone else about this??)Betsey I can't see why explaining to him how I feel isn't working. If he said to me every time you do XYZ I feel vulnerable and scared I would stop doing XYZ. I would appreciate your enlightenment.
Household chores? ..You know he often asks, is there anything I can do for you around here, I normally say no. (on reflection that may be a bad response if I wast him to feel part of the family again...) If I ask him to do something I can't do; such as repair one of the boys bikes he does it immediatly. He's pretty good like that. I wish he would SEE for himself what needs doing and do it, rather than asking though
So anyway, yea dinner went well. We talked and that always helps. It has been a bit of a rough week for me going from feeling so good about the R to feeling so low. I hate these swings, but I feel I have learned a lot, One thing I am struggling with at the moment, is that for the last however many years I have *blamed* H for now showing his feelings, having a wall around his heart etc. Bu I have over the last few weeks began to realise that it is me and not him that is the one who finds it difficult to open up and share their emotions. Quite a hard one to deal with. Finding yourself guilty of doing something that not only have you accused someone else of but not liked about them. Not sure how to move forwardwith this..other than 'facing my fear'. It's not easy, especially when there is lots of guilt attached to this too for making my H endure a R where feelings were withheld and blaming him.
