A little bird told me that a friend from the bb asked how I'm doing, so here's an update Thanks WCW for caring.
Things are on the same course they have been. H isn't staying here and put down a deposit on an apartment close by Friday. This is definately for the best. I was out of town attending a class this week and he stayed with the kids here. I'm glad they had the time together, but he managed to take a check out of my purse before I left and I discovered it this morning. Needless to say, I wasnt happy. He had asked to stay here until Monday, and I hadnt agreed or disagreed yet, but finding out about the check makes it impossible for him to even be here until Monday. S19 is home for the weekend and was drawn into the convo. It was long and involved and I won't go into detail, but H has some serious probs he needs to deal with. He still hasnt contacted the C again to set up a session or his psychiatrist. I'm not sure if he'll ever wake up and start dealing with his problems, but I am sure that I can't make him or be a part of the process. He is so far away from "getting it", it's scary. I guess I've known that, but S19 sees and hears the same things that I do and agrees that H doesnt get what it means to be responsible and make good decisions. Having taken a good step back from the sitch, it's become very clear how manipulative and controlling he can be, and how lousy I am at enforcing boundaries. Just an example. H decided he would stay at a local motel instead of staying with a friend tonight. He can't afford to do that, but refused to stay with a friend. In the end, I started second-guessing my decision to not let him stay here because I know he doesnt need to be spending money to stay somewhere right now. Thank goodness S19 was here and pointed out that it's the same pattern we've had for years.. he makes an irresponsible decision he knows I wont like and in turn, I'll decide to handle the sitch in the way he'd like me to so he doesnt do something stupid. S19 said "Mom, this clearly isnt your responsibility. He has a choice here and if he wants to waste money, it's not your fault" Then he talked to H for awhile about him throwing money away, and then saying that he can't afford to pay child support. I don't think H "heard" him, but I did, and it helps that someone else is seeing what an ass H is being.
Anyway, that's the story here. I'm feeling pretty good. It was nice to get away and relax for a few days. The school's bookstore was going out of business so I got some great books at 80% discount and they should keep me busy for quite awhile.. will help to keep my mind off things! Me and the kids went to get a friend for our turtle Bruno, but the pet store didnt have any more. So, we spent the day browsing the thrift stores between here and there. Was fun! Picked up a few more books and a like new monitor for D11s computer.. she's excited about that!
We're going to cook, relax and play some games tonight. The kids seem happy and are adjusting. Not sure what I expected, but they are doing OK with this so far. The boys are actually much better behaved when H isnt here for some reason. A lot is up in the air for me at the moment, but I'm just gonna take it one day at a time and not look to far into the future. For the most part, I'm happy and relieved. I'm trying to figure out what exactly makes "me" happy, and that's new. Like Julia Roberts in the movie runaway bride.. I havent exactly known what kinda eggs I like and it's time to find out! First though.. I'm going to have to learn to trust myself and enforce boundaries. It's easy to set them, but sometimes my heart second guesses my head!
Thanks WCW for caring. 
