Hey WCW! Yes, I'm still around. No news really other than H has finally found a new job. That's a load off of his mind I know!
Other than that, we're still not in MC, or working together towards anything permanent.. we are getting along better and have had some talks about separating in Mar. He says he still has some time to show me he wants to work this out, but we'll see! I'm not counting on anything and am living life accordingly.
Hello all...have been busy and somewhat lurking but nothing really new to report. Same old craziness.
W and I have been dating (if that is what you want to call it). Going to dinner, movies, etc. Have a good time but really I am not feeling anything from her. Seeing no changes from her. She is so busy with work and things are tumbling in on her department that I know that takes alot out of her. Try to be there to listen and support without making solutions for her. Just listening.
The other night I told her that I was not happy with where we were heading. That I am not sure if my needs can be met in the relationship b/c we don't have the intimacy in our relationship. That is by her choice.
Not sure what to do? When I bring these things up, she says thank you for telling me how you feel....then nothing? Doesn't tell me what she feels or thinks....doesn't make any changes....just stays the same.
What do you do? I am not sure if I can do this for much longer. Thinking that she has given up and maybe I am stupid for trying to make this work. Not sure what I can do other than continue to focus on myself.
Made a new list of things to do and trying to distance myself and learn to live without her (told her that is something that I am learning to do).
Any insight? Why do they just soak up our changes and our feelings and then just stay in neutral?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
A little bird told me that a friend from the bb asked how I'm doing, so here's an update Thanks WCW for caring.
Things are on the same course they have been. H isn't staying here and put down a deposit on an apartment close by Friday. This is definately for the best. I was out of town attending a class this week and he stayed with the kids here. I'm glad they had the time together, but he managed to take a check out of my purse before I left and I discovered it this morning. Needless to say, I wasnt happy. He had asked to stay here until Monday, and I hadnt agreed or disagreed yet, but finding out about the check makes it impossible for him to even be here until Monday. S19 is home for the weekend and was drawn into the convo. It was long and involved and I won't go into detail, but H has some serious probs he needs to deal with. He still hasnt contacted the C again to set up a session or his psychiatrist. I'm not sure if he'll ever wake up and start dealing with his problems, but I am sure that I can't make him or be a part of the process. He is so far away from "getting it", it's scary. I guess I've known that, but S19 sees and hears the same things that I do and agrees that H doesnt get what it means to be responsible and make good decisions. Having taken a good step back from the sitch, it's become very clear how manipulative and controlling he can be, and how lousy I am at enforcing boundaries. Just an example. H decided he would stay at a local motel instead of staying with a friend tonight. He can't afford to do that, but refused to stay with a friend. In the end, I started second-guessing my decision to not let him stay here because I know he doesnt need to be spending money to stay somewhere right now. Thank goodness S19 was here and pointed out that it's the same pattern we've had for years.. he makes an irresponsible decision he knows I wont like and in turn, I'll decide to handle the sitch in the way he'd like me to so he doesnt do something stupid. S19 said "Mom, this clearly isnt your responsibility. He has a choice here and if he wants to waste money, it's not your fault" Then he talked to H for awhile about him throwing money away, and then saying that he can't afford to pay child support. I don't think H "heard" him, but I did, and it helps that someone else is seeing what an ass H is being.
Anyway, that's the story here. I'm feeling pretty good. It was nice to get away and relax for a few days. The school's bookstore was going out of business so I got some great books at 80% discount and they should keep me busy for quite awhile.. will help to keep my mind off things! Me and the kids went to get a friend for our turtle Bruno, but the pet store didnt have any more. So, we spent the day browsing the thrift stores between here and there. Was fun! Picked up a few more books and a like new monitor for D11s computer.. she's excited about that!
We're going to cook, relax and play some games tonight. The kids seem happy and are adjusting. Not sure what I expected, but they are doing OK with this so far. The boys are actually much better behaved when H isnt here for some reason. A lot is up in the air for me at the moment, but I'm just gonna take it one day at a time and not look to far into the future. For the most part, I'm happy and relieved. I'm trying to figure out what exactly makes "me" happy, and that's new. Like Julia Roberts in the movie runaway bride.. I havent exactly known what kinda eggs I like and it's time to find out! First though.. I'm going to have to learn to trust myself and enforce boundaries. It's easy to set them, but sometimes my heart second guesses my head!
Hey! good to see you! That bird gets around! Isn't it great to have feathered friends?
S19 sounds incredibly grown up and responsible. Wow! You should be dang proud!
I just gotta throw in my H's hotel story, pretty much the same sort of thing. One night I told him if he was going to have two women in his life I wasn't going to be one of them. He got all mad at me, said he wasn't staying, he'd just go find a place to park and sleep in his pick up. Well, it was December, frigid cold, he hadn't had an income for 3 months and still had a long recovery period, but he clumped around and threw things together and left. I just sat and watched, if he wanted to go I wasn't stopping him. He went and stayed in a hotel, and the next night came back home, and he knowing that I wouldn't want him to spend money on another hotel, ended up staying home. Saved $50 that night, but did I gain anything in the long term goal?
You sound peaceful with your decisions for the most part, that's really good to hear. Glad you stopped back, thanks.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks WCW for caring. 