Sometimes a relationship is a dance, huh? One pulls close, the other moves away. One goes down, the other goes up. When the relationship is where it should be, the distances are small and the changes subtle, perhaps unnoticeable. When the relationship has been wracked and ravaged. you both are hypersensitive and the distances grow, the changes slamming into your heart violently instead.
It is what I think of as I read your last few posts. Your H rejected the physical side with you and now you are doing it with him. So in a way, you know in your heart what he was feeling when he did it to you.
I see baby steps. H sharing the work thing with you up front for example. And you, hyper conscious of how you behave with such things, actually did something different.
Here' what I like to hope, that this dance is like ripples in a pond. They start large and obvious but they slowly die away. Eventually, they become hard to see and finally they ar no longer there, at least so you can see. I like to hope that happens with you two. The pulling away and coming close, the ups and own, are dampened over time to something imperceptible and finally non-existent. It's a natural thing in the physical world, the force of things are generally non sustainable over time - the winds of the tornado dissipate, the heat of a fire dies down - hopefully it is a natural thing in an R too.
