I don't know how this will work typing it out here. For the sake of the process, and maybe anyone who's wondering about The Work, I'll give it a shot. It would be a huge post to conquer my whole statement about H (and we all know I like to keep the posts short ). So I'll try with one or two thoughts and see if it's productive. I'm going to use thoughts about H and OW because the example she gives in her book was an eye opener to me personally and maybe this will help someone else who's dealing with a OW/OM sitch too. For me, I'm pretty sure OW is behind us and the anger is fading, but there are key things that still have stuck in my mind and they hurt.
These questions are a worksheet she suggests to fill out and capture thoughts about the person:
1. Who angers, confuses, sadens, or disappoints you, and why? What is it about them that you don't like? I am angry at J because he left us and chose his R with A over his family. I'm angry because he didn't love me and wanted to be with her. I'm angry because he hasn't cared about my feelings since he came home.
2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
I want J to love me. I want J to talk to me and be honest.
3. What is it that they should or shouldnt do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?
J should find another job so he isnt working with A. He should listen to me and not be so defensive. He shouldn't lie to me. He should talk to me and share his feelings.
4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need him to get another job and not have contact with A. I need him to share his feelings. I need J to be patient and not snap at us when he's frustrated.
5. What do you think of them? Make a list.
J is dishonest. J is passive and emotionally unavailable. J is critical.
6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't want to be in a R where J lies to me and won't communicate. I don't want to be M to someone who cheats on me. I don't want to be vulnerable with J if I can't trust him.
Have company.. I'll have to apply the four questions to these later.
). So I'll try with one or two thoughts and see if it's productive. I'm going to use thoughts about H and OW because the example she gives in her book was an eye opener to me personally and maybe this will help someone else who's dealing with a OW/OM sitch too. For me, I'm pretty sure OW is behind us and the anger is fading, but there are key things that still have stuck in my mind and they hurt.
