I'm not as interested in that. So we'll see.
 Good to hear that!!

You know, I wonder if he's a little scared that if he really focuses on himself and not for your benefit, his feelings for you might fade? Hadn't thought of this. Actually, his feelings for me probably should fade because I'm not entirely sure they are healthy feelings. Need vs. want. I'd rather him wake up himself and realize I'm not for him than to continue struggling and believe that fixing things with me will be the key to his happiness. Might be where we've went wrong much of the time. He's never been a happy, joyful kind of person, but he's not negative and down all the time either.. well, doesnt show it. I sense his lack of joy and run around trying to make him happy and it never gets the job done. He has our whole family doing it. D11 even asked me about her Dad's mood and why he's snapping her head off when he talks to her. I had to explain for 30 mins that it's not her fault and she's OK. I shouldnt have to tell an 11 year old that her father's feelings/moods are not her fault!!! She is SUCH an angel.. it makes me sad to think that she's learning to walk on eggshells and take responsibility for how other's choose treat her.

Just remember how to get back to that when/if something happens and you slip off it a little!
 It's hard.. so very hard. I'm down and blue today. After two months, I think H finally realizes I'm serious about needing to see change before I can commit to our R again. So today he's very short and distant with me, which is OK, and I understand, but it makes me sad too. I know this is the RIGHT thing to do, but it doesn't make the sorrow and loneliness any less real for me. I feel strong, but I feel regret that things arent different and there's nothing I can do right now to change the R I have with H.. except to make it a friendship. But also letting go and finding my independence so it wont be like ripping off a bandaid when he moves out. Most of the time I don't miss him, but I've missed him today because he hasnt even been "there" when we've spoken. We're both very guarded and distant. Sigh.. I just wanna be held and for all of this to have been a bad dream. And I remember one of your posts to the same effect right before you turned a corner that resulted in more acceptance. So, Im hoping that this sorrow will lead to acceptance and acceptance will lead to peace that I can feel and not just understand the logic behind what I have to do right now.

Way to bust caffeine Bud!! And see, I didnt have to say hey Bud, how much caffeine are you drinking.. think you should cut back? You gathered the info, thought about it, made a decision and applied it to your life without me suggesting or doing it for you. That is exactly the kind of think I'd like to see my H doing for himself. He kinda stops at the appication Oh well, you give me hope that there are men out there who don't need a Mommy.

Hope you have a peaceful relaxing night!
Sheila