Thought I'd post over here to you instead of on your thread. I actually realize I didnt have to put that title on there because you're one of the few who replies here anyway!
Just had some thoughts about the sitch with your W. If she's read some of the posts (you didnt say if you know how recently), then she's might be getting a better picture of your feelings for her right now? The detachment, the posts about how you're almost afraid she'll change her mind, just basically saying that you're not going to and might not be willing to work this out no matter what happens now.
What are the stages of grieving? I don't know them off-hand, but anger is one of them. Do you think she could be reacting to realizing that dont choose HER anymore? I still hold true that no matter how much someone says they are through, the realization that the other person is no longer in love with them, and that they don't have the POWER to choose the R if they want it is quite a blow. Yes, as usual I'm projecting. But I remember so vividly the day that I found out H had had sex with OW. It was o the tail end of two weeks of me insisting he couldnt come home, I was through, etc... and I honestly believed deep in my heart that I was a stone because of all that had happened between us previously. No way was he gonna get in there again! Yet, knowing that he wanted someone else, and that meant that I couldnt choose him if I needed to (yes, I know how very selfish this is!) broke me. That stony exterior was built knowing that I could have him back if I wanted him, so I was set to be stubborn until he made some changes after realizing how miserable he was without me. Your W... could it be the same at all for her? J slipping away and you slipping away. No job on the horizon.. maybe playing with the thought that she could take her time and maybe decide to save the M if she couldnt work something else out. Could it be that reading the posts was a big blow to her ego? I mean, she went from having a H who was divorce busting.. changing for HER to save the M, to having a H who changed so much that he's not only great H material, he's a man who realizes the kind of M he deserves. I can see from the progression of your growth that at first she couldve have said the word and you'd have worked it out, now she would have to work very very hard to convince YOU that it could be done, and she'd have to make amends for some stuff that she doesnt even want to admit she's responsible for.
Is it anger time there? I know you said the do no harm motto isnt a priority for you. But how about it? Can you see if this is anger rearing it's head.. weather it the way you've weathered the rest, and see if it settles down, be a teflon rock and take the "I want stay in the house" as just more words/threats until she goes into more detail? I'm not saying that you wouldnt be smart to be prepared (lawyer), only that maybe the comment about her staying in the house doesnt need to be mentioned by you to her. Maybe act as if the plan remains the same and see what happens as you quietly explore your options?
Like I said, just some thoughts. Especially since she vented the other night, maybe it's emotions talking and she wants to hurt you more than anything else right now if she read the BB and feels rejected.
And gosh, I feel silly giving you advice because I know you've probably come to all these conclusions yourself. Mostly just know that you are thought about! You've helped so many here.. it's hard to see you being jerked around like this.
And, if you ever have to go dark on the BB because of W reading your posts, my email addy is sheilab1@charter.net if you ever need to vent privately you can add me to the groupmail of people who miss you on the BB!
Hang in there... even when you're at your best, it's not all that hard for someone who's determined to find fault if that's what they wanna do.
