Have a strange sense today that I might actually be starting to DB. Has anyone else experienced this? Like, why wasnt I doing this before because it seems to be working (baby steps) in the right way now? I mean, the past had progress.. H coming home, honeymoon period, but the emotional intensity and stress was overwhelming to deal with every day.
Now I'm relaxed, detached, cheerful and kind and things are actually better. Not just nice, but I see H doing things that show he's considering me and not trying to smooth over. Havent had a manipulative promise in a couple of weeks, only that he intends to not stop working on this. He's taking sleeping upstairs and my detachment pretty well. Only the "are you OKs?" alert me that he realizes things between us are different and not fixed.
Lets see. He hasnt rang my phone off the hook. No incessant ILUs while he's acting like he doesnt. It's just different. He called to let me know he was home for work this after noon and when I answered he said cheerfully "there's my sweet baby doll". He's been calling me "girlie" too. A very upbeat way of expressing affection rather than the clingy, needy, way he was doing it. Maybe he's learning that he'll be OK if it doesnt work out too and the pressure if off from me. We are officially financially separated (except we share the household bills). He hasnt balked once since agreeing to this. He's off refereeing tonight and making some extra money for himself. He asked before he left if I mind him going and I said "of course not!". And, he told me to feel free to pick a night a week to get out of the house because he realizes I'll be doing the lion share of the evening chores during basketball season. He's NEVER done that. In fact, when I've mentioned it in the past that it would be nice to have a night to do my thing too, he's actually blamed me of being jealous of basketball and said he'd stop!
He called me while I was driving home and said "I'm not trying to be controlling or rush you home, but it's really storming and I wanted to make sure you're OK"
Myself, I'm feeling pretty detached, yet friendly toward H. I used to tell him everything and now I don't feel I need to. I had a dillema this morning on the way to work (left my badge locked in the fitness center), and I had to ask someone come and drive me through the gate. I didnt mention that to H and didnt feel like I needed to. I bought myself a new outfit and didnt think about whether H would mind or not. And now Im thinking.. maybe this is how a normal R should be? Not sure.. define normal. Partnered with intimate moments, but not totally wrapped up in each other all the time. I'm hoping the space will take the pressure off of H and he'll find a way to stop lying because there wont be a need. Does that make sense?
Anyway, off to bed with me.. things are OK for now.
