I've seen two theories that I think could work. The Christians believe you fill the emptiness with your love of God and God's love for you. The Buddhists believe you accept the emptiness and become comfortable with it. I guess I'm a Christian who sees a lot of merit in the Buddhist approach.
Outside of that, you see people trying all sorts of stuff to fill their emptiness...work, sex, food, affairs, sports, change for its own sake...it all just seems to move the emptiness around.
{I could really be his friend. We'd be good as friends. We can't seem to merge our individual values, needs and ideas into a M, but as friends we're fine}
That sucks. But it ain't all bad.
I decided Im definately not his wife anymore. We're not married, and we can't maintain this, so we're friends with kids right now. And yeah, I feel good about that, but there's and emptiness there.
Wow.
You've earned peace. You deserve it. I hope this brings you a little!
It's also very frustrating to be an open book that no one's reading and to admit weaknesses that are used against you.
No doubt. I'm sorry to hear H has been desperate enough take your admitted vulnerabilities and use them as a shield sometimes. He's not in a good place.
So why is it now OK to give up a friend for me, but not OK then to just consider my needs at that point in time?
Because then he was trying to get his way, which was to hang out with his friend. Now he's trying to get his way, which means doing whatever he can so you'll stay. Nothing like the bomb, or it's equivalent, to clarify priorities a little!
Are you right near DC?
About an hour south of the beltway. My company has a really good customer at Ft. Eustis. And before we moved in June, we lived in Yorktown which is about 20 minutes away! Now it's between an hour and a half and two hours to Williamsburg. Which is entirely do-able, so let me know if decide to make that trip.
As for the joint account, the way you describe it, it sounds brilliant! He has to deal with his spending money on his own, you get to do what you will with your part that's left over, where's the downside? That you're still connected somehow? You're still connected in lots of ways, and will be for quite a while. If this can reduce the household stress then it's a great idea. And it sounds like it could be just what H needs.
And you certainly know that no one needs to apologize for talking up their stuff in my thread, least of all you. I still remember when I completely used your thread to post something all about me I just didn't want in my thread! I hope I at least thanked you.
Separate our lives as much as possible, but remain friends, work on ourselves and see what happens.
I think that's the best you can do. I'm so much calmer as I've progressed along the path of letting W go. And we get along better, usually. The nice thing about your sitch is maybe H will also be open to separating but working on himself and seeing what happens. If he can find a way to deal with his empty space, it may do him a world of good.
Good luck! I don't want to encourage you to make that kind of long drive, but if you do make it, give me a little notice and I'll be there to hang out!
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
