Hi Piglet,

I think this is the stage where the hardest work comes in. When we detach from our sitches and begin to see what the origins are for our issues. I had a really bad bout of depression that lasted for a good two days, several weeks ago. It came out of the fact that since I have cut off my former ways of covering up or avoiding or controlling my issues, I now see myself very clearly and I hated what I saw! But I was able to pull myself out of it by reminding myself that I was the only one responsible for moving forward.

I had a great convo with a friend last night. We were both complaining about how impatient we are and how it really screws alot of things up for us and makes us suffer unnecessarily. We came to the conclusion that we need to be connected to life but not at the control board. Very much like your quote at the beginning of your post.

Piglet, you are where you are at this moment and no where else. From what you describe it sounds as if you have achieved a good deal of balance which is incredibly hard to do! I know that you don't have everything that you want right now but you ahve the awareness and the desire to change for the better.

Your mom's support of your H, given her experiences with her 1st H, should mean alot. Both your H and my H aren't bad men, just confused and in need of the same thing you and I are seeking for ourselves. I like to think that I am offering my H an example of growth that he doesn't receive anywhere else, esp. with his "friends"! I'm thinking your H most likely sees you the same way. How could he not?!

Living life on life's terms. It's not for the weak. But you are doing it, that's a great thing.

Sikan