Quote: If I recall correctly, she doesn't cook either, does she?
BB does 3 to 6 meals a week I take care of the other 14. No I am not a fancy cook. Chili-mac, salads, stir-fry, sandwiches, white bag=McDonalds-Arbys-Taco places-take home Pizza, frozen dinners.
BB can do the complete turkey dinners with pies and fruit salads. I do the pre-cooked ham, box potatoes with cheese, vegetable, bag salad with beets and garbanzos.
Quote: I'm open to any ideas you might have that would allow you freedom to spend for your current desires while allowing me freedom to save for my future financial needs. "
Good way to put it.
I/We have the "needs" covered even for some bumpy roads. It’s the "wants" that come up frequently that are the main concerns that impair the R. The sex part, I don't see much change there.
(gentle hint, I don't live paycheck to paycheck so being broke is a long way for me. I think I have all profits I eared from my business since July in my business account. That would be like most people saying the next paycheck they are spending was earned in July 2005. Too many people I know have their paychecks from July 2006 spent or earmarked for something. All I can say is don't have a longterm medical problem.)
I am not a skinflint. Thrifty maybe. I think we need/makes it nice, to have 3 TV's but having 6 or 7 is what I to avoid.
We have so many remote controls that operate differently, I have to look at the remote and hunt for the symbols that carry out the function I want to implement. I bought one universal remote and have 4 remotes covered with it. I can navigate around the volume, channel, pause, forward, etc functions in the semi-dark.
Now if I could get a remote to work on "weiner boy's" marking things, that would be one less problem. Maybe some of ths gadgets from "1984" by George Orwell, no forget that. That is controlling.
Quote: Works on paper Mrs NOP, but I don't think I could take her moans and sighs. Besides that is mans work.
Why Lou...I'm tempted to smack you! There is no such thing as mens work and womens work, I don't care what school you went to.
Also, I can relate to the growing up poor. I have an honest to gosh panic if I open my pantry door and it is not full. As an adult I've gone hungry so that the kids can eat. I did not have the fancy toys and clothes and things that my friends had in school. Actually I should say classmates had, because I didn't have many friends because I was one of the poor kids. When you can't have the latest clothes and can't play volleyball and can't join clubs because #1, the money isn't there but #2, unless your mom will come pick you up on a tractor because you live 13 miles out of town and there IS no other transportation, you can't.
Because of that, I have always been a horder and I'll be honest and forthright and admit that if the money was/is there, I will go overboard trying to buy things to give myself a level of comfort. I splurged after 4 years and bought a new bedding set a few months ago. Got it and wasn't sure I liked it on my bed as much as I did in the picture of the store ad. When it didn't do it for me, I started looking at other sets. Because you see, I keep expecting to create this bedroom that i can crawl into and feel totally content because the lady in the picture looks that way and i want to feel that way so badly. Problem is, try as i may, I don't find that contentness.
I think that is a pretty common problem. We all have the emptiness inside of us that we think we can fill with things. I don't have the answer to that but I long for the days of old where you ate what you grew and money didn't matter so much because you had the tools and knowledge to grow and make what you need. Now...it would cost more money to plant a garden than to just buy the produce. In fact, that very line could be a significant metaphor for the whole thing.
Easy solution to BB's money problems, give her a budget to spend to her hearts content. Be it $20 a month or $500. What you can afford. What she wants for herself, outside of basic necessities, she can find a way to buy out of that money. Once it is gone, she has to wait. I'm all for joint control and not telling someone NO to something they really want to have, but that won't save you from the poorhouse when the money is gone.
FYI, I've found that saving money can be just as addicting as spending it. I opened a Sharebuilder account a few months ago and watching the money grow in there (ok, so there is $120 in there, $20 a month goes in) is as entertaining as any tv show. I might make .30 cents this month, but it just gets addicting in its own way. BB could probably benefit from sitting down with a financial advisor with you (i think I've said that before) and getting a snapshot of what life will be like if money isn't spent more wisely. Get her addicted to saving instead of spending and you will have it made.
THe sex problems I can't fix, I can only say that women are turned on by different things and the drive IS in her, you just have to find what it is that pushes the right button. Some women like sensitivity, me personally, I'd like my H to just TELL me we are going to and get on with business. If i wasn't in the mood before, it would put me in the mood, just seeing the aggressiveness from him. Instead he is tentative when he approaches me and that really does nothing for me. What I am saying is no two women are alike, try different approaches and when you find something that seems to work, experiment with it.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
And you might just find that putting your foot down and saying NO to more purchases might have the opposite effect of what you think it will have. Instead of withholding sex, she might just respect you enough to be more interested. The whole thing throws me off because I'm all for equality but when one partner isn't capable of being an equal, I guess the other partner has to take the firm hand. That really sucks that we as human beings can't be more mature than that, learn to resist the impulses.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
I agree that buying the new house was a big mistake, but it seemed reasonable at the time. The original plan was to buy some land, sell the old house, move into an apartment, and use the proceeds from the old house to build a new one. We just stumbled across the new place which was almost the exact amount a land we were looking for, was in an excellent location (which happened to be right around the corner from a long-time friend), but which already had a house on it. We figured it up and the numbers worked out as long as we could get the old house sold within about a year. So we took the plunge. Twenty five months ago. And the old house STILL hasn't sold.
I do have a buyer now, and we've agreed on a price, but he says he has bad credit and wants me to do owner financing. The problem with that is that I still have a home equity loan on it. I can't transfer the title, even with a lien, until I can pay off the loan. Which I can't do until I sell the house. Arrrrggggghhhhh.
Z-Bube, could you do a lease option with him where he pays you what you pay as a payment (or maybe even a little more) and he pays insurance and stuff, for a 3 year span (3 years is enough to get his credit fixed) and a certain amount of the payment goes towards the principle and at the end of the 3 years he gets his own home loan for the remaining principle? It would take the weight of the payment off your hands. Many banks will at that point process the loan app as a refi instead of as a new home loan.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Smack away Becca1975. I was the only guy in a women studies class. I said men's work because I am a man. If you are black you can say N. But if you are white you can't.
I would never say women's work. It is not PC.
Look at commercials with couples in them. Most of the males are bumbling idiots, clumsy, or clueless. Switch roles and have dumb blonds etc, lawsuit, product boycotts.
Quote: There is no such thing as men’s work and women’s work
I agree 100%. I am very gender aware. Maybe too much some times.
I liked your post about the guy taking charge and how hesitancy turns you off. I think those thoughts work with most women with some desires.
Back to men's work. I think BB thinks she does not have the ability or desire to do the work. She thinks I am Mr. jack of all trades and she needs help with a light bulb. Overstated but I hope you get the point.
Quote: I keep expecting to create this bedroom that I can crawl into and feel totally content because the lady in the picture looks that way and I want to feel that way so badly. Problem is, try as I may, I don't find that contentness.
Start with 300 or 400 thread count sheets and a Nova Foam 2.5" mattress topper, works for me. Try it. Add someone you love and some good sex, I could stay in bed for many hours. Even w/o the sex it is a comfortable place to sleep.
About the share builder. WTG. A dollar put in today will be worth 25 dollars in 30/40 years. Multiply that by $1,000=$25,000 or $10,000=$250,000 or $100,000 naw, that is a bit much for starters, and see what that amount will be worth (based on past history). The key is not which investment, it is how long you reinvest the dividends and the compounding factor.
Bulls make money, bears make money, pigs (greedy investors looking for absolute high or lows) get slaughtered.
Quote: Actually I should say classmates had, because I didn't have many friends because I was one of the poor kids. When you can't have the latest clothes and can't play volleyball and can't join clubs because #1, the money isn't there but #2, unless your mom will come pick you up on a tractor because you live 13 miles out of town and there IS no other transportation, you can't
I had friends in 25 of the 28 places I lives growing up during my school years. We were mostly poor but we had a B&W 10" TV, they didn't. Did that make me rich?????? and of course there were kids whose parents owned the hardware store ot the local factory, those were the rick kids. Some good/OK, some uppity.
That clothes thing! Sorry that was an issue for you. It was shoes or no shoes in one school I attended in the south.
13 miles from school is a big problem with only a tractor for transportation. That made for a lot of other problems I guess.
What do you want from life now. How can you be your own parent and banish some of those childhood shortages. Go shopping you say? Not feeling secure with what is there everyday.
Your good friends. Your kids, give then what they need, not want all of the time.
I was not a perfect parent but 10 times better than what I had sometimes. I had a wonderful, but lonely mother. My step dad was a real meany, controlling to the Nth degree, although he did teach me some skills.
What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Becca1975?
Lou Daughter 1970, son 1972 incase 1975 is your birth year.
Oh I live my life differently now and there are times I can only provide the needs and not the wants for my kids. I'm working hard to change my life and educating myself about money has made the biggest difference. I work full time, go to school full time and raise three kids. It isn't easy and yeah, I blow $20 on pizza a couple times a month simply because I do not want to cook. Could that $40-60 be better served put in my sharebuilder account? Yep. Doesn't mean I always do it though.
As you are likely very aware, childhood shapes us sometimes severely. As much as we know that what we are doing is not right, it is much harder to change it. I honestly doubt BB intends to do any harm with her spending, it has just gotten away from her. Blaming and lecturing will likely not change anything.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Quote: Jill, for you, and I would like to see you blush too. How about a month in the southern states going from National Park to National Park in a small motor home, with a couple bottles of Arbor Mist wine, some diet coke, some grilled food and sex at least once a day and twice on Sat and Sundays. Throw in a couple of mountain bikes and maybe we could find some interesting rocks, plants, and flowers. No not in malls, Jill! In the forests and fields dear girl.
I know it will be close quarters in the camper so we can go to a couple of malls to window shop. One rule is if anyone buys more than will fill a banana box, something has to go. After a month of that I don’t know what I want. Well that was from 21 year old Lou.
The adult Lou does not want to inflict too much mental stress on anyone, does not want to be selfish so is proceeding with caution.
Lou, you are so funny!!!!
Only twice on Saturdays and Sundays? Don't have a witty response for that statement.
It all sounds good except for the rocks.....just have no interest in them whatsoever. Oh yeah, about the cooking.....I'd be happy to cook, not so sure you'd be happy to eat it tho!!!!
And, instead of window shopping, could we just go white water rafting, parasailing or jet skiing? I'm more of an action type person.
BTW, my house needs painted. When do you think you could squeeze that in during your travels to the sisters?
Seriously, I think the others have given you some great ideas regarding your finances. Now you just have to implement them.