RE Cobra -------------- If I had a dog peeing all over the house, --------------- "Weiner boy" marks new things in the house. It happens a couple times a month. Outside he pees on top of other dog pee spots.
--------------- Living around animal pee and feces is absolutely disgusting and something I cannot envision. I know you don’t like it either, but why do you put up with it? ------------------ The cats got too much for me so I paid the animal rescue league $100 to find a home for one cat that was doing the most peeing in the house. The two followers died of natural causes with in 6 months. Feces only happens if some pet is sick. BB is one of those people where some pets come before family members.
--------------------- You try to change who you are to trigger a change in her, as everyone on this board advises, but nothing happens. Why? ----------------------- Changes are happening but very slowly.
------------------- What will SHE do with your business if you don’t come back from your trip, what will SHE do if the electricity goes out in a storm, what will SHE do if you move out of the house. My point is that some people will not do ANYTHING until they HAVE to, even if they knew in their heart that a certain action is for their own good. If things are too comfortable, they will just not do anything. I refer to people like this as having the “welfare” mentality. people were getting jobs. Not because they wanted to but because they had to. --------------------- I agree some people only do what they have to do. Path of least resistance.
---------------------- Why don’t you just tell her she IS going to a counselor, and to one of YOUR choosing. Have you ever laid down the law with her? --------------------- Tell a mental health worker they are going to a C?????? I have to figure out if I can pull that off without screwing it up. Choose your battles type of thing. If she would go would it be in body only but not in spirit?
-------------------- I think you are afraid of doing so because you are afraid she will be mad at you. -------------------- At first I was concerned she was going to be angry but now I don't care as much what her reaction is. I don't go out of my way as much anymore to avoid conflict, which leads to conflict. I don’t want to be in a R with someone that sees C as a forced issue. Too many passive aggressive outcomes. BTDT.
-------------------------- How would you handle a child acting like this? --------------------------- That [is] one of our negative dynamics now Cobra. BB frequently tells me I am acting like her dad. I don’t want another child. I want a partner.
End of Cobra reply
After the new furniture was set up (BB was zoned out like she was on a presidential mission for the previous week) around 2PM on Wednesday , an attitude switch flipped. BB all of a sudden was paying attention to what I was doing. It was almost like her being returned from an alien abduction.
Most of last week I was trying to get BB to see the progress of the improvements to the bedroom. All she was talking about were the things that were not finished or how the old furniture was going to fit in the other bedroom and the problems she would have with that situation
I was saying things like ”The walls look nice” and she would say “yes but the trim is not in place.” I even said she should compliment or thank me for what had been done so far. Back to the 2PM switch flip.
BB said she was sorry for acting so self centered and started to say how happy she was with the work that was done and for making one of her wishes come true. I was thinking some of the compliments I was giving myself the day before and modeling for her, the idea was taking hold.
BB took me out to dinner and was all touchy feely for the rest of the evening. We even had sex and she seemed to be there mentally. No “I am too old for this stuff” moans or eye rolls.
On 11/24/05 she was happy all day and worked most of the day on the family Thanksgiving dinner food items and set up. I helped.
11/25/05 the cheery BB is fading.
What am I doing? I am working and throwing some things away.
