Quote: If you were looking for Internet dates, then I would agree with #1. Otherwise, ignore it.
No dates NOP.
I am looking to make myself more attractive and compatible to BB. If it works good, if not well maybe I and some one else will benefit.
Quote: #6 Fix what you need to fix on your side of the issues. Give it a year, then move on if need be. Regardless of the plan, you need to have one.
I am fixing what I can. It is more work than I expected it to be. I have to let go of some of my ideas of marriage, which causes detachment from BB, and the time line may be 6 month to a year.
I started this do or don't I/we want to be together in 2003 when I told BB I would rather live in a dump than have daily deliveries from QVC, LL Bean, collectable plates, and when she spent her mothers $7,000 checking account money on what ever. She had 6 cats, most peed on the carpet in the living area, 4 dogs-2 bit me and her several times, and 2 big messy/loud birds.
Quote: #5 I have maintained from the beginning. Separate your finances and let her spend herself broke. Then she can go back to work to pay her half of the bills. You can't fix her habit.
She would never go back to work. She said she did not like working so often, her parrot says the same thing. No I can't fix her. I almost quit trying.
I am not saying you are wrong NOP and all, but for me to stand by and watch BB continue to spend like she has done in the past, my opinion of her would be so low, I might just walk out one day. I don't want to start makingt remarks that she considers put downs. I want to be with some one that I respect. I have a difficult time watching some people practicing their addictions. I would rather have a tooth filling changed than watch them over indulge. I don't buy into the 30 pair of shoes, 5 pressure cookers, 8 electric roasters/cookers, mentality. What is the idea behind $1,000 worth of radios by your bedside so you can go to sleeep? I am for getting what you want and keeping it for a while. I am just not into newer, faster, flashier things.
About detaching/enabeling, I did read Lil's post about how to handel a drunk. Don't fix up their messes, don't try to shame them into doing the right thing, go to alanon and when the drunk comes home and passes out on the lawn, let him/her lay there.
Eventhough I post some resistance to some of your advice, I am taking it in and going that direction.
