Quote: Inheritance and retirement fund. Was all that already spent?
No, the basics investments still are there. Much of the cash transfered is gone.
BB was a SAHM from 1969 until about 1980. In the 80"s she had a 2 hour a day job at the school lunch room. BB took a part time job at a hospital from about 1990 till 5/2004.
Our retirement fund: Since we were married I always put a little in our retirement fund that I managed. I worked full-time and a part-time job. BB saw the fund's value go up and down. She frequently got a little panicky when the marked dropped and wanted to sell what we had and go on a cruise or hoped we could get lucky in Vegas.
Also a lot of times BB wanted to buy lottery tickets with the hopes of winning. (Bad idea. The pay out in the lottery I know about will net you 25% of what you spend.) BB also wants to sell when it's tax time. She hates paying taxes. To her, the "rich people" have too much money anyway so should support the tax burden for the rest of the working people. Especially people like her with part-time jobs.
Usually her income paid for her pet interests, her personal items, but mostly went towards her wish list.
His and Her IRA's During the 80's instead of "OUR FUND", I decided to stop putting money in Our fund and set up a his and hers IRA's. I left the old fund as it was.
I set up a small IRA in BB's name to give her ownership in the market. She could see "Her" assets increase in value. I did it to quell some of the mild panic she felt during normal market fluctuations. I wanted BB to see the roller coaster takes a long, boring time to reach the top of a hill. I wanted BB to see when the market takes a drop there is a bottom and some of the momentum gained going down is carried over into the next upward swing and somewhere along the line if the company’s basics are sound, you eventually reach a peak again. I did this with the hope BB would see the long-term picture, not the short ups and downs.
When BB worked at her 2 hour a day job, that was her money. When she started to work at the hospital she did contribute to the household finances. I still had back problems and was in college or only working part-time. BB started her retirement fund at the hospital.
BB 401k/403b for non-profit employers. BB had her own 403b for 15 years. She did not put in a lot of money per paycheck but it added up. When the market took a dive and her investments were worth half of what they were at one time (still worth more than she invested) she wanted to cash, pay a penalty, be in a higher tax bracket, and go to Vegas "to have some fun." This was a sore spot for almost 2 years. The stock market went up and now she is happy she did not sell at the low point, but still talks about all the money she post on paper. She has twice as much as she put into it. Some people look at investments differently than I do.
Inheritance #1 BB mother died and left BB some stocks. MIL had $7,000 in her checking account when she died. BB spent it on ?????? There were bonds in the account that were called/cashed ($10,000) in and BB spent some of that on dental implants but the rest on ???????? We still have the stocks but spend some of the dividends.
Inheritance #2 BB's uncle died a year later and left BB some bonds. She spends some of the dividends.
BB's Retirement money BB gets $550/m from social security. Because she retired at 62 the amount is 60 or 70 something percent of what it would have been if she retired at 65. Much of it is her play money.
Is it all about money with me? No. Mostly it is about the turn over of items that are still good that get disgarded. In the front door, play with it till you see a faster motorcycle, a bigger screen TV, a grill that cooks 6 burgers when your old one cooks 4, then out the back door* for the new toy. *is the donation store or giving things away.
That is what I object to. It's the lack of appreciation for what we had that I worked hard for, even took part-time jobs to pay for things that I thought she and I wanted. I don't see much insight from BB for the work I did to obtain some of the things I / we bought together. In the last 10 years BB has been saying what I/we bought was not to her liking and now she is going to get what she wants. Back to the picky/close is not good enough, attitude BB has.
BB still considers my tastes and wants me to give her opinions about what I like and wants to have my input as to quality because she knows she goes for looks and misses some of the basic elements of construction.
BB said she apreciated me looking at the things at the store and did not like seeing me grumpy so decided it was her turn to do something for me. I took a shower and she rubbed my back for a while. Yes it led to sex. There is a certain amount of Zorba in me, let no offer go refused.
This AM BB said she thought having sex would cheer me up but thought I was still grumpy. She said sex was a wast of time, in a questioning fashion. I said no but do you think a little sex is going to fix my feelings about your shopping adiction?
BB said she wants to see me happy but wants to buy things "SHE" wants if I don't hate them (meaning pattern or colors).
My hope is, someday most of this "replace everything" mentality will end, hopefully soon.
The sex? Well BB said she was a little sore so I don't much will change with frequency. She did say she wants a better R with me but I have to let her buy what she wants.
It's sounding like I have given too much information and I have to go to work.
