Quote: Importantly, both took their XW's back despite an absence of any real evidence of growth in the WAW. I don't think I could do that with my XW. At least I hope I don't, if ever presented that dilemma. I respect myself too much now for that, and I've seen the damage that an unhappy, unchanging person can do to me and S6 when allowed that access and power.
Very interesting. Was there any growth from the LBS either...or were they the same person that was left behind? Yours is the wise move, don't let her back in your life until she's sorted out her issues, but if presented with a request to try again with your XW tomorrow would you forget this? Would you kick her to the curb and say "maybe when you have got your life figured out"? I wonder how easy it is to truly look with a critical eye at someone you once loved and not be willing to give them another shot. There is the possibility, you know, that through your example, understanding, guidance, what-have-you, that positive changes could occur even while trying again, rather than waiting for someone that has perfected herself to come along. Isn't that what DB is about...effecting change in others through your own behavior and changes? I imagine under normal circumstances if you took someone back, both husband and wife would fall quickly back into the old patterns and doom the marriage again. I suspect that you wouldn't easily fall prey to that. But does the person you next decide to form a relationship with also have to have the level of Zen you do, or can they be given the chance to grow as a result of your positive influence?
I'm not saying that you can find someone that clearly has major issues and fix them, just that all the requirements might not have to be there.
Just my thoughts for the day.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
