Thanks for posting Lisa, Busting and Kevin. Merrick, a ballgame in March sounds great! Keep me posted.
I went out for a beer with 2 neighbor buddies yesterday eve, and was surprised at their personal stories. We were there to show support for the older 63yo buddy, who is splitting up with his W for the 3rd time. I had previously thought they had split up and reconciled only once, but it had been twice. The younger 35 yo had an XW who kept starting internet affairs and left him 3 times, finally leaving him to marry an OM out of state. He survived a tough custody battle, but still mourns seeing 1 daughter infrequently, as she lives with her Mom. He noted that when his XW asked him to take her back yet again, he said no.
Why this pessimistic post? What am I taking away from this? I think one's happiness depends on a lot of things, but a large part of it is oneself and one's efforts to shape a life that promotes happiness. These fellows are both great guys I count as friends, but they used a good part of their lives trying to force success with women who weren't willing to meet them halfway or even part way, in the long run. As a result, they fell into self-neglecting patterns that left them resentful, bitter, and struggling, at least for some time.
Importantly, both took their XW's back despite an absence of any real evidence of growth in the WAW. I don't think I could do that with my XW. At least I hope I don't, if ever presented that dilemma. I respect myself too much now for that, and I've seen the damage that an unhappy, unchanging person can do to me and S6 when allowed that access and power.
I've learned so much from so many of you regarding unconditional love and forgiveness. I need to draft a way to allow that to be provided - to XW and to any new woman - in a continuous manner, some manner of being vulnerable to love in a way that doesn't undercut my self-respect and self-care. I need that, and S6 depends on me to do that. And maybe he'll see it and repeat it in his life if I show him how to do it well.
