Update Well, my first real dating experience has bit the big one. PL and I had a talk and decided that it wasn't going to happen. It was a nicely mature, caring convo about each of us, with great empathy, care and interest in the other, but we both acknowledged that the initial sparks of attraction didn't take hold and our last few dates were a bit flat.
My impression, looking back? I think having kids sets one apart developmentally from those that haven't yet had them, or who choose not to. She had been M'd and D'd before, but had a hard time grasping my reality of juggling/prioritizing things for S6. Plus, as a "Dad", I'm somewhat done with trying to be cool or impressive, with partying 1-2x every weekend, staying up til the wee hrs of the morning, just to do so. She was still enjoying that, and that's fine. I found that while I was open to experiencing new things with her, she had hesitations that seems to crop up quickly, and this rung some warning bells, as they reminded me of XW later in the M (not now - XW is doing plenty of exploring). Perhaps living single and alone (no kids to force flexibility) allows one to get more set in their ways over time. She wanted kids, but stepping in as a stepmother will take a special woman, and I don't begrudge her hesitation there. She deserves to follow her dream, and I hope she fulfills it.
I have some 'set' points or boundaries, too. I'm finding myself enjoying building myself up, and that means reasonable hrs of rest/wakefulness, at most only moderate alcohol use, solid diet/exercise schedules, and enjoyment of the outdoors. I also am less likely to be okay with notable differences in core values (~ spiritual, sociopolitical), and she seemed less interested in her spiritual growth and tho we both called ourselves moderate, she appeared much more conservative than I am regarding politics. Finally, I found myself far less interested in material things.
Overall, I'm summarizing it as a nice experience. It had a pleasant appropriate beginning, some nice romantic moments/exchanges, and a mature ending. I found myself comfortable and confident at times, I caught myself when I slipped into some old patterns, I was able to notice some M/D baggage when it reared it's head, and I was able to be romantic again - and I enjoyed the feeling of my presence being appreciated. I'm a bit sad/disappointed, but I'm still okay with going it alone until the right person comes along. It was fun to look forward during a workdayto a romantic dinner or wine-tasting with a pretty woman. And it was nice to wrap it up without blaming, fault-finding, but instead with validations and good wishes in both directions.
In terms of DBing, XW is turning friendly again, with a few contacts focusing on S6, and some cheerful greetings back and forth. Dating has helped me to realize how much I missed out on with her in terms of working hard on our dating plans/experiences. I truly let her/us down in that part of our M, letting our work take too high of a priority. But enough looking back. DBing is about planning for the future, and moving toward one's goals.
I plan to recenter myself, and to continue to push my growth, with some dating as the opportunities present themselves, staying friendly and peaceful with XW, and distancing myself from her when she has a bone to pick.
As I drove S6 to school this morn, I looked over at him, and realized how truly blessed I am.
