Quote: And the bottom line seems that there is no R other than my M that can change this. I can do my best, but I can't recpature the things I was supposed to and failed to give my kids in their childhood.
I'm not Catholic or deeply religious so this doesn't hit me on such a religious level, but I do know that it's not healthy to think resentfully about broken vows and it doesn't help to think how your kids have been robbed of a complete family. It is the reality of the situation and it will likely be the reality of their future as well. With a divorce rate of 50% or more, there isn't that great a chance of all your kids avoiding it themselves.
What they can learn from this situation is how a difficult situation can be handled in a mature, responsible way. They can imitate loving their own future kids unconditionally. What would be really unfair for them is to see their father pine away, remain single, lonely and celebate after a divorce, and be in a depression about it all. They do need to know that life goes on. I know it's not an ideal thing to be a child of divorce, but it's possible for kids to be well-adjusted after divorce and also to eventually benefit from exposure to new love interests. To deny them that is to deny them the reality of life. Our reality is not necessarily pleasant, but who is to say that with the XS as they currently are and likely are going to stay, that life would be better with a complete family. They can learn valuable lessons from you and one of them is that life doesn't have to suck for a child of divorce and that life goes on for the father after divorce.
I don't regret the divorce. I didn't initiate it, I tried to turn things around, and I did my best to help my step-kids through it. But, if my XW instead of leaving and divorcing instead said.."I don't love you", but then stayed around only being held there by some vows, would it really be preferable? Knowing that all she wants to do is leave? Knowing the only reason she's with you is because of a vow?
And although I hate to argue religion, does initiating divorce mean that you no longer can go to church, believe, raise your children that way, or expect forgiveness?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
