Quote: I can recover and find someone wonderful, but if so, he'll always have a split family existence.
That captures a good deal of my sentiments. If it's just me, I can handle it, but as a parent, you always want the best for your child, and I have a nagging sense that I'm falling short in this area just by virtue of the split family.
Granted, what we've gone through and our own self-examinations may in fact make us better parents than we would have been otherwise, but the doubts linger.
I was chatting on the train with our deacon last week, and he captured a lot of what I felt. We were talking about God, Jesus, how we were supposed to live as believers--and our own experiences of coming to God through conscious choice as adults as opposed to just going throught he motions.
With this, he suggested that my greatest frustration was probably the unshakeable belief that if W and I simply put it in Christ's hands and trusted Him to bring us together, then we could make this work. And he was dead on.
It's so hard to see how such trust and faith could not work. I don't know about your W Gabe, but my D7 is getting ready for her First Communion in May. W attends Church with her and takes her to religion classes. While I know I'm not supposed to judge, it all seems like such a sham to me--a sacrament with no underlying meaning if we can't live the one we entered. And the bottom line seems that there is no R other than my M that can change this. I can do my best, but I can't recpature the things I was supposed to and failed to give my kids in their childhood. I refuse to be shackled by these thoughts, but I'd be lying if I said I can ignore them.
