Life is good. I'm halfway thru final exams week, no more lecturing til 2nd week in Jan, and I can see Christmas right around the corner.
The house is starting to feel like home again. I should be able to do some improvements over the holidays. Looking forward to that. On Sun, XW told me she's going to be selling her condo and looking for a house, cause she's not happy with it. This is 2 months after purchasing and moving in - 2 months! - I'm glad I'm not a real part of that merrygoround any more.
I feel for S6 as this means more instability in his life, yet it highlights the positives in my being able to buy her out of the house and keep the 'home' he's known for 4 of his 6 yrs. I also feel for her, as she continues to share with me evidence of her dissatisfaction with her life, and her scramble to solve this emptiness via external means. I wish peace for her, not the continued suffering of a lost soul.
I don't know if I love her anymore. I care for her and think fondly of parts of her (not just those parts, Jo. Jeesh, get your mind out of the gutter! ) But because I've evolved somewhat more and know that I'll only experience true love with someone who can love herself and me, I also know she can't provide that. XW isn't there - yet or ever, and for the first time, perhaps ever, I am aware of this and am acknowledging it as insufficient. I deserve better. I'm not sure if that's still love or the lack thereof.
XW & S6 are off to Iowa, coming back next Tue. While I'll miss him, I'll take advantage of the time to work in some extra GAL stuff, like going out with friends, maybe even a date or two?, work out more, and try s/t new. Not sure what.
) But because I've evolved somewhat more and know that I'll only experience true love with someone who can love herself and me, I also know she can't provide that. XW isn't there - yet or ever, and for the first time, perhaps ever, I am aware of this and am acknowledging it as insufficient. I deserve better. I'm not sure if that's still love or the lack thereof. 