Brief synopsis: M ~ 9.5 yrs D on 5/2/05 XW 34 & in ~ MLC Me 38 S6
Amazing. I've been D'd 6 mo already. When I review my early and even recent posts, I'm reminded of all the rough and low points in my last year, as well as the cool fact that I survived and even improved thru-out it all.
I remember praying last Nov to be back home and able to read S6 bedtime stories and say his bedtime prayers w/him by his bedside at night. It struck me ~ 1 wk ago while doing so, that my prayer had been answered, just not like how I expected or hoped.
GAL work and faith seem to be the things motoring me along. Distancing from XW is helping me to stay focused on what I can control. Her MLC beh is not one of those things. Apparently, she's starting to face the music in some ways, and is worried about what other folks think of her. I plan to just keep my distance and let her work her own stuff out.
I too noticed the newcomers to this forum. Always a bittersweet moment to see someone else in the same sitch. Good to find another with a similar perspective, but painful to see someone else hurting.
Yeah, it's amazing how time flies when you are having fun, or not. It's over six months for me as well. I hope, like me, that you don't have any regrets on how you used the last six months. It sounds like you don't and you definitely shouldn't. You've made personal growths, endured, and leveled out the ups and downs. Good job.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
OMG, Moo Shoo Dork is my football comrade? Kevin, what's up with that awful name?
Gabe--I've been meaning to follow up with you after my last depressing post. I went back and want to clarify that I didn't mean the spiritual marriage wasn't there... just the sacramental bond.
I'm also happy to report that I've seen Father's intuitions come to life on my very own movie screen this weekend. It's reassuring to know that I'm not crazy and that the reason we are where we are is because HE chose this. He chooses to remain stuck and with an unforgiving heart.
And I absolutely see the divine intervention at work--where just maybe, the Lord is releasing me from a vow which is not honored, wanted or accepted. A week ago, this thought brought me pain. Now it brings me hope, because I see the value in keeping my faith alive.
Quote: I remember praying last Nov to be back home and able to read S6 bedtime stories and say his bedtime prayers w/him by his bedside at night. It struck me ~ 1 wk ago while doing so, that my prayer had been answered, just not like how I expected or hoped.
You remind me that this is such a beautiful thought. I'm humbled by this notion--that our prayers are answered though they come gift wrapped in newspaper instead of fancy wrapping. How do you feel about this, Gabe?
Your D and mine were finalized a week apart. It's comforting to know that I have company on this path.
Gabe, you are an amazing guy. Merrick was the one who turned me on to your threads, and I must say you've made an amazing transformation through your time here. I find your faith and hope contagious--as it challenges me to continue to seek for the same in my own. Thank you for the gift.
I'm glad you guys had a good time in Vegas. It's good to have happy stuff to think about, for a change. I look forward to reading more of this happy GAL stuff you have planned.
Some woman is going to be really fortunate to land in your lap some day. You have so much wonderful here, and I can't help but think--no, know--that it's going to have marvelous results.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Me, sorry, hate to break this to you, but Kevin was first, making you #2.
Betsey, your other post wasn't depressing, at least not to me. I have nearly the same exact struggle - whether an annulment would mean the M didn't ever exist, with my beloved S6 existing from an R that never was intended by God. I don't think this is so, and I know we were deeply in love at the time. However, that was then, and this is now. Your, Merricks, and Beth's posts on the topic were all very helpful and left me with much hope. I can see the role of it being to release a person from their vows, with a right to pursue true love elsewhere. I think I'm years away from that, but I've learned not to predict the future.
Thank you for your compliments! I didn't realize that our Ds were so close - you seem so much further along in terms of adjustment and personal growth! Don't wait up for me, I'll push harder to catch up!
In terms of a new R, for the first time, I'm consistently thinking about someone better entering my life rather than 'what if's' regarding XW. She may surprise me, but that's all her work. I'm going to proceed with my life.
Meeting Me and K in person was excellent. Me is a very positive person, despite his thread-name. I've learned a lot from him, especially his experiences related to his 1st D and being a step-parent. I can still hear his laughing during our Vegas trip. K is a very gifted, faith-filled, deep individual with a backbone that assures courageous stances in the face of personal attacks, opposition or isolation. I've learned a lot about trying to balance being a great father, a worker, and meeting one's own needs thru his posts. If you ever get the chance to meet either one of them, I suggest doing so.
Quote: Me, sorry, hate to break this to you, but Kevin was first, making you #2
Who are you calling #2?
Thanks for the compliments. It was nice meeting you and I'm happy to see you've got your act together every bit as much as the folks on this board perceive. While none of us found our long-term soulmate on this adventure, it doesn't hurt to keep trying.
Next time Florida as you suggested. And definitely not guys only..that just happens to be the only ones that made this trip.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
In terms of another get-together, I agree. Some ladies along would be great. Maybe then we could convince you to go dancing. Bridget, I didn't realize you were so close! There are at least 2 of us in NE FL. K, I wonder if kids would do well in a larger group. Maybe something smaller for kids/families, and larger for the adults? This would free us up for some outdoors stuff - picture folks kayaking, canoeing, snorkeling, those who can doing scuba. Then out for some nightlife. Of course anything with kids could also involve water fun, or the whole Orlando experience.
I find myself in a good place right now. Not without some emotion and thoughts, but overall, pretty balanced. Life marches on with its other ups and downs. I recently experienced a falling-out with a friend/business partner, and had to go my separate way there, and I found my DBing has kept it civil/polite and even laying the groundwork for future possibilities regarding friendship. Just not business.
Reviewing the last week's contact with XW, my distancing from her allowed me to stay separate from her during my time of greatest upset, and allowed her space to do her thing, later returning with more contact and strong attempts to initiate friendly chatter. We're at a place this week that is again friendly and cooperative regarding S6. I still bite my tongue a lot, and find myself validating tons, but she has started to compliment me - like about my being in shape, my rock-climbing outing - but not regarding Vegas itself! It would have to move much more into a mutual level of sharing/support for it to be truly enjoyable, though.
I have S6 for Thanksgiving, and I need to work hard planning a good holiday experience for us. What are other folks planning?
I'm really sorry I missed Vegas, but the timing and $$$ were not right. Still, there are some of us in the soon to be chilly northeast that would love to consider a Florida DBing get together in January or February! What cha got in mind?
As for Thanksgiving, I hope you and S6 do well. Like so many things in my life, I was tethered to W's family gravitational pull and spent it with her very large extended family. This year, I invited my folks to my place and I'll do the cooking. I'll also look to invite any stray souls who may otherwise be alone on this day.
My suggestion on thanksgiving would be to involve s6 in the plans. For me, since it's just the two boys (and one of them is on a special diet) I'm letting them help plan the menu this year. So far we are having s17's favorites of deviled eggs and pumpkin pie, and s9's choice of mc donald's and stuffing! (he doesn't like stuffing, but seen it on a cartoon show!)
!!! 
Betsey 
It would have to move much more into a mutual level of sharing/support for it to be truly enjoyable, though.