please email me the info on the class in Belize. March? good time at the end of the month the beginning is spring break craziness..... yes the end is better. You also mentioned maybe in may? Not so good storms starting, beginning of hurricane season.
Actually there were a few things I was gonna post about that happened over the holiday weekend. One of them was a light bulb moment about this control issue thing. I spent a few days in true remorse not just a wish I would not have done that over my actions/ability to control a situation. But true remorse of my actions. I even felt a need to be comforted and turned to my H. (He did not fail at letting me down with this) I tried very hard to not just detach from the feeling and figure out why I felt a need to take the upper hand. But it is now days later and it has ebbed away and become again disjointed as if a memory from a movie. So not much left to ponder and try to get your insight into. I should have journaled it while I was actually feeling it. But hey progress in the I felt it and did not immediately detach from the feeling part of all this so win some lose some aye.
Anywho I hope you had a wonderful holiday! And I am glad you are back.
well I would like to know about your ah-ha still, may be usefull to me.
I can relate to your disjointed memory, I am already rewriting history with my D, and it is unsettling me. I dont do that normally. when I look back, I ask myself-why would you intentionally do that self-- but I know it wasnt intentional. trying to own it I guess, or take all the blame so I dont feel powerless and like it could happen to me again. ...... maybe trying to deny that strong emotions make me dance like a marrionette too.... <eebee jeebees>
The email account x and I used for our online purchasing regularly gets emails from a variety of stores that she used to buy stuff from, venus and wicked temptations being a couple. She got those CFM 7 inch heels from there, almost made her as tall as me. Sweet. (they never left the house though )
I dont have anyone I would buy stuff for, not gonna browse if I am not buying. I am not a window shopper.
Chrissy, thats the second time you called me a boy. Since you are married I am left with no other good reply, then to make some equally distastful remark about you being old enough to be my mom.
You asked for it. Wapow.
So on to nutrition? .... You are obviously (to me) in need of a eating schedule also. Before I get up on a soap box and go all fanatical about sugar, processed foods, corn syrup, corn in general, insulin levels, your pancreas, the rising epedemic of ADD, diadetes, heart disese (inconjunction with hydrogenated oils) and yo-yoing blood sugar leves, not to mention starvation diet techniques that may be seemingly effective for your body type, and whether your recent outburst that lead to feeling real remorse had anything to do with your mood swings cuased by your diet (not eating for 4 days?), AND your depression not being helped AT ALL with eating ONCE a day maybe, which I have already mentioned,
I think I will let you speak about your plans on getting on a good eating schedule, and haveing dinner together as a family again as a bonus, and a way to keep you on track.
Then I might get into fat (good fat =lard, peanut oil; neither good or bad =olive oil; bad fat =processed(hydrogenated) vegetable oils---big cause of cellulite in women, left hand molecule instead of right handed-hence the body is unable to use it), protein (lack of protien and weight bearing exercise are in the top 6 reasons for osteoporosis in women, NOT lack of Calcium), difference between carbs, EFA's(a very simple overview) <---click, of which the typical American diet is practically devoid of due to processing, and ways to smooth out your moods and general jitteryness with diet.(if anyone has IBS, Chrone's or psoriasis, put down the chips, twinkys, etc, and run dont walk to get some flaxseed oil. report back with miracle cure in 2 months, or not. for women interested in reducing cellulite, having butter soft skin, and nails like fine china I recommend this same course of action) my financial advisor/good friend of 10 years hands were cracked so bad he couldnt crumple a piece of paper. I preached/pleaded/shouted/smacked/ bought him flaxseed, and he cut down from 6-12 sodas a day to maybe 5 a week. No more cracked hands, we remodel his house together now as proof of his cured hands. He went off of the flaxseed when it ran out -- "its just a placebo" and hands promptly cracked again. DUOH!
but like I said, not gonna get up on a soap box about it,
BF is flirting with you, dear. He's driven wild by us older, self-confident, all WOMAN types. Perhaps a Freudian thing, but I doubt it. More along the lines that he's just trying to keep up.
(BF, I AM SOOOOO kidding, but I just couldn't resist....)
Gee, if he's interested in OLDER, EXPERIENCED women, I'M the one who can really help him out!
Before I met my bf, when I first started in the music program, I did carry on a delicious flirtation with an extremely mature <ahem> 23-year old, which stressed even my very elastic May-December tolerances. I'll say no more except that it was very sweet and lots of fun.
(BF, I AM SOOOOO kidding, but I just couldn't resist....)
I know you couldnt. I am irrisistable.....
To the guys, The above is something I have a LOT of success with in appearing attractive to women.
I will take comments that women make, and twist whatever they say into extremely forward, overconfidant, self-assured comments.
The first couple of times you do it, youll often get an incredulous look, or a narrowed eyes look--kinda of a ---Are you for real? That is a test, that lets me know, do it more. It is not a test that means apologize, back-pedal, or start self deprecating. If a women is really put off by it, you will know. Most really like it, but its so rare, that they disbelive it, and have 'forgotten how to respond to it. When women 'fight' back, you know its working.
Hairy I believe you will have oodles of succes with this.
basically, be cocky, and never back down when you are. not arrogant, arrogant is not fun or humourous. if it doesnt work---- dont ever apologize or start supplicating, that WILL kill any attraction, just stop.
Like anything it can be done too much, but try it out.
An example, even years after we were together, my x and I were sitting having dinner at a restaurant. She made a remark about being hot, and I said something to the effect that it was just her, that she wanted me and I knew it.
she turned so red from embarassment, even though noone else heard it, and got that hungry look in her eyes. apparently my joke was correct, or caused itself to be *, and she proved it as soon as we walked in the door, at home.
If this is completely unlike you currently, you have been the opposite for years, its going to recieve a cool response initially. even comments like 'stop it', or 'I dont like that', blah blah blah wah wah wah. Ignore it, if this behaivior makes you laugh, if you think it is fun do it anyway. Why? It is not rude or inconsiderate to make yourself happy, and you arent hurting her or anyone else by doing it. Even if it doesnt affect her-- there is a Jungian archetype that it doesnt set fireworks off with, (which is how I initally 'categorize' people) at least you are building up your own self worth and you definitely arent being supplicating, placating, or self deprecating. These three things MUST be eliminated from your talk and your body language. MUST!!!!!
You cannot say 'I am the bomb'(please, dont actually say this one...) with huched shoulders, reaching hands and pleading eyes. Your inner voice should never be --Please like me--- It should be----You LOVE me, and I know it.
Choco, I think you have gone from 'please like me' to 'I dont care if you like me' which is understandable, but isnt true.
Cobra, I think you will have some success with this too. It will be meet with some serious indifference, and non-response in the beginning. FWIW, this is in my mind not a TACTIC, I have been doing this so long it is who I am. This is the reason I tell men to write down why they are great, amazing, fathers, husbands, etc. You can change your inner voice, you just have to insert a different CD. Ah yes about that neurology lesson, my books are packed. I am just going to keep it simple. The more you think a certain way, the more you do an activity, the more you feel a certain feeling the more connections your brain makes in that area. Efficiency, filtering, and leaving resources availble for the unusual or unpredictable.
Example,I havent used written commumication for a long time. Hence my current crappy abilities. ( I hope davidd can understand my post to him, yikes that was terrible. Stigmata help me out would ya?) another example, people who have road rage, do you think they LIKE doing that, do you think they consciously CHOOSE to shout and scream and gesticulate at someone who cant hear them and generally look like a monkey in a glass cage? No they just fall into that pattern from doing it over and over again.
Its comfortable. My point to you is you have to STOP yourself, control yourself, that relex to run down that comfortable nueral pathway, of trying to logical your wife when you start to have an argument. IF you cant, do not expect her as an emotional creature, to control hers. That is not fair.
You ALSO have the power, the ability, the chromosomal wiring that allows you to tell HER to STOP, and very very likely she will respect you (albeit unwillingly or with mumbling etc), follow her chromosomal wiring to obey, to go along with you.
Start off mellow, build up slow, untill it becomes natural, internalized and how you think and respond to situations. I know a lot of men do this with their male friends, and in the work environment. You are THE MAN, You can do this with your wife.
Ask yourself 'Is this a 180 for me'?
One of my favorite actors that is terrific at this is Hugh Grant. he does this well in 2 Weeks Notice. His costar is annoyed and flustered by him, but she cant help her attraction...
If anyone is interested in a movie that perfectly depicts the entire sequence of female attraction, and how attraction is not a choice and can be completely Illogical watch MEET JOE BLACK.
Dont tell your wife what you are watching it for, on the surface its a emotional 'juicer' let her enjoy it.
I see guys here make comments about how they are good guys, work hard, take care of the kids, take care of there family, etc. That is great, I am not denigrating any of these things at all. . Sexual attraction does not occur for those reasons though. You cannot talk her into wanting you, you cannot support her or your family in a way that will make her want you. Nearly every? man on this forum has a woman who loves him and thinks he is a great husband/father/guy. thats not the issue, or they would be walking.
This is not a cure all, I dont have all the answers, some here are dealing with years of resentment, and probably past abuse issues too.
I said this once before---- A woman cant keep her hands off of a man she is IN 'love' with, and will have sex with a man she 'loves'.
Love is a very slippey word in english, deifined differently by people in general, and specifically differently by the genders.
CEMAR, you frustrate me. well as much as that is possible by a virtual person in a virtual place. YKWIM
I think/guess that you are a INTJ, thus we may have some commonalities, but your life experiences has led you to a different viewpoint, and a different sort of entitlement then I have. I dont think you are a gaggle of college kids, some of your posts are too specific and your frustration is apparent.
Why do you have so much pride on an anonymous board? hmm, maybe an INFJ underneath...... are you used to be able to educating yourself on things without help? some skills require kinetics and feedback.
* Words have power, womens verbal centers control a much larger portion of there brain then mens. IF you deprecate yourself, she will start to believe you. If you confidantly joke around she will believe that too. This is a variation of frame control. Hairy I am certain you can understand this. Any lawyer or salesmen who has coached or lead a client 'gets this'.
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