Blackfoot, Are you really that surprised that she went back to OM after your brief reconciliation?
I'm not.
Being a woman, I can tell you that I would not continue an affair unless I was in love with the person. As hurtful as it is to ponder, she is most likely in love with the turd. Or was.
She is also in love with you, for sure.
This is all well documented, how people fall in love with the OP and flip flop back and forth until they pull their heads out. I guess I'm curious why you think it should be different in your case and why that is a legitimate reason for throwing in the towel? You stated that, at this point, you need to see some active moves from her that indicate that she wants to reconcile. She's done that, hasn't she?
I think what you really mean is that you need to see some active proof that she's done with OM. I don't blame you for this and admire you for setting this firm boundary. Does she know--clearly--what your boundary is? Have you ever told her? And by that I mean, "In order for reconciliation to take place, you will have to sever all ties with OM." Just curious. I'm sure you've done this but she's floundering all over the place so I thought I would ask.
As a chick, though, I will tell you this (for future reference) that women are hyper sensitive to rejection. She was aware of the rejection of your EA, even if she never knew about it. Her cries for wanting to be back with her family, and pleas for more time with you, speak volumes. Ditto with the OM living in your house and then your subsequent rejection of her when you noticed her attachment forming. (which you now seem to think she should dissolve like Drano on a sink clog--doesn't work that way)
I have a question for you, Blackfoot:
WHY did you allow OM into your home? Have you asked yourself this question?
The easy answer is that you felt your R was rock solid, but I am assuming that this happened after your EA and her whines about being lonely, etc.
Could it be that YOU were testing HER?
I don't understand this and never have. I have read your answers to this question but they don't seem satisfactory to me. Here you've got this pin-sharp guy who shrugs his shoulders and says, Me don't know...seemed like a good idea at the time. Doesn't compute!
I'm not trying to be harsh, hope it doesn't come off that way. If this were in person, my voice would be soft and I'd have my arm around your shoulder.
Believe me, if your W should ever visit this forum, she will quickly learn the definition of harsh.
In looking over your situation, it seems so tragic but so common. Two people who are an electric match for each other just begin to drift and next thing you know that electricity spark a fire--somewhere else. I wish I knew why this happens and how to identify it from the very first signs of driftage; it would save a lot of people a lot of pain.
