My H still refuses to break off the relationship with the OW. But he did say he would discuss with her the incessant phone calls and instant messages.
We finished four “assessment” counseling sessions, but have not scheduled additional sessions, at least for now. In the 4th session, my H told me that his relationship with the OW is very intense, like a drug addiction, but he thinks it goes deeper than that, has lots of potential, and makes him feel incredibly good. So to summarize, he said that his relationship with her takes precedence over his relationship with me, for now, and that he's not sure whether he wants to work on our marriage or not, but that he still loves me and wants always to be my friend, and won't abandon me to deal with household duties all by myself at this point. I have changed my appearance and my behavior, and am now trying to figure out what to do with my life.
At work, I am faced with the prospect of taking a new job that may require lots of travel and high-stress face-to-face with a client, or possibly losing my job. I think one more stressor might just be enough to break me, because right now I’m responsible for significant caregiving activity, in addition to these marital problems. The therapist did say that he thought I should figure out what my own needs are, and start doing things that fill them. I have been doing nothing but trying to meet the needs of others for the past several years.
So if anyone has more suggestions, please let me know!
