One of the things I've realized in reading what's been posted is I'm going to have to be patient. And strong.
I was always the strong one in the relationship and I think he took that for granted. When I hit 30 I had a bit of an early MLC and am now having to rebuild my strength. I sometimes wonder if that's why he pulled away, because he saw me as weak. I try not to think about it because it makes me so angry. We promised good and bad times and I've been there for his worst but he couldn't be there for mine? It sucks. He is supposed to be my best friend.
He wants me to move out and I told him I would move out in the beginning of Jan if he stays with me instead of going to see his family for Christmas. He's going to be away on business for the beginning of Dec and I don't know how I'll cope not seeing him a whole month.
I know many of you have been living apart for a while now and I don't know how you do it. I'm very worried about whether things will go downhill once he's on his own. Or is this a good idea to give him what he wants: space.
Yesterday I resisted calling him at work and he actually came home at 10:30 p.m instead of midnight. Then when I didn't pay attention to him he basically dragged me to bed. I've decided there's no reason not to keep having sex as long as he initiates--it was always one of the strengths of our relationship.
I will not call him again today (hard for me not to as I work from home as a writer and am alone most of the day) and I will cook dinner for myself and not worry whether he will be coming home. One of the hardest times of day for me is wondering when he will come home and how drunk he will be. Not to mention who he has been with as he is now carrying condoms in his briefcase. Thankfully he hasn't used any of them though this does not mean he's not cheating again.
I'm worried I'm going to break down and admit I know about his affair. Any thoughts on how to prevent myself from doing this. Or, is it bad for me to keep this in?
Well, my goals for today. Go to the gym, Spend my day working on writing without thinking about him too much.
