It sounds like your living life with the attitude of a "Purpose Driven Life". You have put the things you can't control in God's hands. Its easier said than done, but you are doing it.
Yes, JDD, I am doing fine. Thanks so much for checking in on me.
I've been kind of paranoid about ex lately. I logged onto my email account last week and the pass code wouldn't work. When I went to change the pass code, the question I had to answer to change the pass code was something ex would have known. I could have just been typing the pass code wrong, but I will never know. I panicked and quickly changed the pass code to something new wondering what he could have seen. Knowing me, I was probably just typing in the pass code wrong. I kind of laid low on these boards because of that. If ex would have gotten into my email account, he would have found this website and known my screen name. I think I might be paranoid though. Ex never snooped during our divorce, but if he was worried about losing me, he could easily be the type to snoop. Who knows??????????
On the 15th, ex sent me an email. Then this Saturday on the 25th, I received a small package in the mail from him. It was a card saying he loved me more than I could ever know and a copy of a newspaper article that he knew I would be interested in reading. It was very short, very brief but very sweet.
I am just trying to stay focused on my own life and not get too wrapped up in his world. I sent him an email thanking him for the card. Keeping focus on my own life is the best thing for me right now. His world is so complicated that getting drawn back into his problems will only set me back. If he was sober, it would be another story. Knowing this keeps me from contacting him if I get sad or lonely.
Just taking things day by day right now and trying to better myself.
Excellent job staying balanced and focused on yourself, Sam!
As a person guilty of snooping, it was useful to see your perspective on possibly beign snooped on. Thanks for sharing that - and great response there as well - merely distancing yourself rather than get caught up in some dramatic pattern.
Thought I would stop in and give a quick update. The update is.........nothing much is new. Ex is still abusing prescription drugs, depressed more than ever and continues to tell me he loves me and wants to get married again......when he gets sober which will be very soon. I'm not holding my breath!
I'm not angry about it, and I don't get sad about it anymore either. It is what it is. I have so much going on in my personal life and career that I don't have much time to think about ex anymore. He is stuck, and when he is miserable enough, he will do what he needs to do.
I did go about one month without talking to him--this seemed to make him even more depressed and needy towards me. I probably talk to him once every two weeks now because of things we need from each other. We have so many business, family and friend connections that it is hard to go too long without talking to him. I need his friend to help me with this or his sister to help me with that. It is hard to just stop talking all together!
Right now, we treat each other like really good friends with a long history together. I NEVER talk about us anymore. In my mind, we are pretty much finished. This thinking has helped me move forward. It took me a long time to be OK with thinking like this.
But, life keeps me moving. I am in a happy and peaceful place right now. Me being at peace has nothing to do with what is happening in my life--my life is more hectic and stressful than ever. I learned so much the past 2.5 years and now I am really good at handling stress and dissappointments. Who would have known! That is the best thing that I got out DBing and out of my recovery. Slowly, I have learned how to deal with life and people. I am so happy for that!
I will let you guys know if there is anything new. I still read these boards, but I just don't have time to post lately. Take care everyone! I hope you all are doing well.
By the way, I am sure you all heard about Ted Kennedy's son, Patrick Kennedy. Oh my God! The guy literally looks 58 and he is around 36! He says that he is addicted to prescription painpills--I am sure he is also a horrible alcoholic too. Seeing him look like that makes me what to stay sober forever!
I am relieved to hear from you. You sound very much at peace. I am learning how to deal with stress better also, with the help of some DBers, God and time.
I have an addiction thats not bad for my health, I check the DB everyday to see how people are doing, I don't say much, but its comforting to see progress.
Stop by and tell us what your up to, in surviving people get off on other tangents once in awhile, its kind of fun.
