Thanks for checking in on me Gabriel and you too Hoping.
Things are going fine with me. I did speak with ex once last week because I had to talk to him about some tax stuff. Also, that same day, my father had to be hospitalized. I mentioned my father's situation when I called ex about the finances. My father is fine now but ex asked me to keep him informed. I called ex back the next day to let him know my father was good to go.
Ex and I agreed to each concentrate on our own lives for now. It feels really good. It is so weird how I can see a life without him in it when I stopped talking to him. The first week was bad, but it gets easier and easier. I still love him and know I always will. I would love to have a marriage with him if he would get better, but I can accept it if he doesn't.
Letting go has allowed me to want to be with the healthy him. I don't NEED to be with him. I didn't realize that I was thinking this way until I let go of him.
I don't think I would have been to this point sooner if I would have cut off contact sooner. Time passing has also allowed me to detach. Nevertheless, if I would have continued contact with him like I had been, I don't think things would be looking so bright. It is like things in my life are turning from black-and-white and back into color again. I never thought I would feel this way again. I am not just gung-ho happy, but I am starting to feel like my old self again--upbeat, optimistic and most importantly STRONG! Being strong was one of my best qualities and I had lost that for a long time.
I do have bad days and sometimes miss him, but when it happens, I know it will go away soon. I just envision him getting healthy during our time apart and that helps. I also realize that when I get sad from time to time he is probably feeling the same way. Hopefully, it is motivating him to get sober. I know my missing him motivates me take better care of myself.
If God wants us together again, it will happen. I get stronger and happier each day that passes. One thing is for sure--I do love ex. I know that without a doubt. I will never stop loving him, but I realize that sometimes life doesn't turn out like we expect. I am OK with that.
