I just wanted to post quickly. In the beginning of my divorce, ex had an online emotional affair. In my snooping at the beginning of this sitch, I found all their emails to each other. In broke my heart back then. I kept them just in case my divorce went to trial. I saved them all in a box with the other divorce papers and never looked at them again.

I was going through them so I could prove to another person new to divorce busting that things can change. To my face and in these emails, ex said just awful things about me and how he hated me. Today, he tells me how much he loves me constantly. He acts like I was acting when the divorce was filed. We have completely switched places.

All of a sudden it hit me, ex is being humbled like I was humbled. My saddness back then is what made me change. It is also what made me sober. I see so much hope for ex and his recovery. His pain is going to save his life. Also, I see so much hope for our marriage.

There is also this evil part of me that is getting joy out of his pain at this very moment. I have this evil grin on my face. I probably will be sad for him tomorrow morning, but gosh, I am going to enjoy this for just one evening. I know this is evil, and I am actually sad for ex again. However, I thought I deserved that evil bit of joy just for a second. I guess it was reading all the things he told that girl that did it to me. I am putting that box of letters away.