OK, Ex and I had our talk. It was actually very loving.
I told him that I can't continue to talk like this only on the phone and keep things going the way they are. I said that I want to be able to see him in person and see the real him. He refuses to see me for the most part because of the drugs. I have seen him a few times when I happened to be in town in his home area or when he was in town in my home area. However, he has no desire to make plans to just see me. He is too ashamed because of his addiction.
He told that he knows that he is holding me back. I just said if you do get better then great, but if you don't then at least I will be at a place where I can move on with my life. We didn't discuss a time line or even his recovery.
I didn't specifically say, "I can't talk to you unless you are sober." We just both understand that this is what needs to happen before we can even consider reconciliation. I did tell him that I worry about him being so isolated from people. The fact that he owns his own business with only one employee makes things even worse. The codependent in me threw in that there are really good people at meetings and that he needs to reach out to them for help. I also added that he needs to find a therapist. He used to complain to me about the type of people at meetings. He didn't say that tonight. He said, "I know I am just like them and they are no better or no worse than me. We all are just after the same goal."
He told me that the next time he spoke to me he would definitely be sober. Neither of us mentioned when that might be.
For Valentines he sent me a gift and a card. Also in the gift he included a framed picture of us with ...always love....love always...... written all over the frame. He told me over the phone that he wanted me to have that so my nephew would know who his uncle was. My nephew hasn't seen him since he was a year old so my nephew really doesn't know him. My nephew actually does know who he is because of pictures and because he talks to him on the phone quite often. It is so funny. My nephew is 3 1/2. He thinks he is big stuff when he talks to people on the phone. He will talk to him walking around with the portable to his head thinking he is big stuff having some man-to-man conversation. It is so cute.
Ex also included a card a very loving and touching card saying I am and always will be the only love in his life.
Ex knew this was coming, and I can tell he is proud of me and appreciates what I am doing. He knows that things the way they are aren't good for either of us.
I am actually not too sad. I think only good can come out of this no matter what ends up happening.....Sam
