Sounds like you're doing great! My only suggestion is to go further with the detachment, and to truly shed the guilt about selfcare and forward movement. Don't let his staying stagnant hold you back, Hon. He will either do it on his own or not.
For example, celebrate the improvements to your home - furniture and otherwise, without a thought about whether he approves or not. He has chosen to not have a say, and he has not earned a part in "we" partnership with you, yet.
You've tried the staying still with him option. Now its time to rush forward toward positivity, hoping that he'll be moved in the direction by your gravitational pull, but knowing that you'll be in a better place regardless due to your own efforts and change.
