My first step after setting myself free was to make two commitments. One to WAW, one to myself. I then typed out my commitment to her on a credit-card sized piece of paper, signed it, laminated it, and had it delivered to her. She can keep it in her wallet or throw it away. Makes no difference to me. Here is what I wrote on that card:
My Commitment To You.
I have no more need to worry about us. I trust you to find your way because you are the only one who can. From this point forward, you have my word that as long as you will continue with our counseling, and are truly committed to our friendship, then: I am committed to leaving you alone, and giving you the time and space you need, and will stop 'stalking' you or coming by uninvited.
Next, I copied both my commitment to her, and on the flip side, my commitment to myself, then laminated that for me to keep in my wallet.
Here is my commitmnent to myself:
I will respect her space and privacy. I will not go uninvited to her house. I will not chase anyone else away. I will accept her being with other men. I will view her other men as nothing more than symbols of my own previous insecurities. Mere reminders of how much better than that I have become. And for her, I will see them as plastic vibrators used to jolt herself awake. Or as nothing more than hired hands, used to help her find her way home to me and the kids even sooner. From this point forward, best friends and unconditional love no matter what she does. I know the Way and the Light and the Truth and so I will learn to Trust. I will learn to trust in both her and in God, and I know that one day soon she and I will finally be making love for real. When that happens, neither of us will have anything left to fear.
Now any time I get that fatal impulse to...
to...
Ah go ahead and say it...
to SPY on her!!!
...then I will simply take out my laminated card, re-read my commitment to myself, and continue on my way.
