"It's not the things that happen to us that matters, its the meaning we give those things that matters."
This thing that happened to me was a doozy, so I came up with a doozy of a meaning.
4 days ago when I saw WAW straddling OM my world dropped away. 4 days ago when WAW learned I was spying on her, her temper went ballistic.
Meanwhile D17 and S13 are caught in the fray again.
Big lesson for me was to be even more respectful of WAW's feelings no matter how much I'm hurting. I neglected to consider her feelings (Oh lookee there. Same thing I've been accusing of her doing to me!) and then WHAMMO! I get to experience the most devastating feelings in my life! Maybe its God's way of helping me appreciate her feelings even more.
For several days I was unable to eat or sleep after seeing her with him, and the pain in my gut was unbearable. Worst pain I have ever felt and for the second time in my life I knew what death could feel like. First time was when wife and I got phone poisoning many years ago. This time was even worse than that.
So then I said okay. If this is what death feels like, than what the hell has died? What the hell is this pain actually trying to tell me, before it runs amok and starts spreading like cancer throughout my life?
And that's when I realized our old relationship is truly dead.
And that's when I realized I was now free to get a BIG life of my own.
Now I can focus way more on me and the kids, have no more fear of my decisons about going dark, dropping ropes, doing 180's, 360's, or even Tony Hawk 940's
Now its all about me and the kids and when and if she's ever ready to join us, we'll just have to see what happens. Either way, time to get back on my horse and ride.
