I was thinking along the lines that your wife has intimacy issues stemming from her past that are blocking her feelings toward you. I am suspicious that if she can work through those FOO issues, she will be more receptive to your improved demeanor and DB techniques.
So I wasn’t thinking a counselor that was promarriage was necessary. In fact, I would be tempted to direct the counselor to keep any marriage advice to himself. Just work on the intimacy issues, which are just as important whether you are married or not. Certainly you have counselors that are capable of this?
From your description, it seems the UK has had a boom in counseling business without the necessary regulation to ensure competence. (That’s one thing about the US. We like to think we are the world’s preeminent free market, but we are probably the most highly regulated economy in the world.) Surely there are older counselors in practice for years, before this boom occurred that have some semblance of qualification?
But that is my best advice. If she can’t overcome her FOO, then you do have little other choice than to live with your sitch or leave. I hate to see a split happen, since it could be prevented. Men can move mountains but they can’t get their spouse to open their eyes.
