Mari, your posts are dynamite! So many things fall into place when I read them. Please keep posting... even if you think you're saying obvious stuff.
The subject of marrying or falling in love with someone because of an UNCONSCIOUS drive to replicate relationships from early significant persons and work them through is something we've talked about before on this board... but many are skeptical that this applies to them.
I really like the part about NO BLAME. That doesn't mean you casually move on, but it can be a question of outgrowing something and needing to change or leave. Ideally you both change and grow, but that doesn't always happen.
I agree that SD's w's admission could be the beginning of some truth-telling. I alluded to a book called "Tell Me No Lies" (I believe Lou got it and is reading it). In it one woman finally admitted that every day she prayed that her H would die, because she wanted out of the marriage and didn't have the guts to leave. That little grenade blew the marriage wide open, and they were finally able to be honest with each other and grow. They did not divorce, and changed the whole dynamic of their R to a much healthier one.
Please tell us more about your process. This is so helpful.
