I don't think I said people do this sort of thing with 'malicious' intent. You are absolutely correct in saying that both parties have to participate in this dynamic for it to work... but in my opinion, this is a classic power struggle, and I think people do this unconsciously. And yes, because we get lazy and start taking things for granted.
The reason I honed in on the 'son' is because in that R, the mother typically does hold all the power, as any parent of any child does. But if you understand the philosophy of power... you can only become more powerful by giving your power away... an adult who acts like a child is actually making the 'play' rather than the 'mother.' And it is a passive play for power. If the 'mother' accepts the role the 'child' has given, then you've got that whole dynamic thing starting. The only way to win is not to play the game.
But... how many of us got married before we really knew 'who we were?' And how many of us change over the years and really have to pay attention to "well, that's who I USED to be, but who am I NOW?"
It's a darned tough thing to stay in awareness, especially when we work, we've got kids, houses, activities, etc., etc., etc., because we are being so many different things to so many different people. Who the heck wouldn't get lost on 'who am I?'
But there are behaviors that can stay consistent from situation to situation, year to year, regardless of what you've got going on in your life, if you take the time to discover and own it. kwis?
Again, I do NOT think the parent/child R that develops is done with malicious intent. I think it happens when people do not have healthy boundaries. And we all know how tough developing those boundaries are....
