I remember your day out at the zoo hairdog and actually I am quite a nice person Mariposa. My W is a nice person too and we are actually very good friends in everyday life. I think that the Mothering problem has come about because she is very well organised and I am not so. She goes into great detail over everything and takes a long time to make decisions. If I make decisions she invariably finds fault with them to a point that is just wasn't worth me deciding anything much. Hence we became trapped in the bossy mother/ naughty son type of relationship.
Anyhow... Friday night we had a long convo. It started because I decided not to initiate anything and see if she did (as last week I had suggested she might like to take the lead once in a while). She did nothing and just lay facing the other way going to sleep. A little cross, I asked if she was going to say goodnight or something and she just said she was trying to get to sleep. I reminded her it was Friday and after some frosty exchanges she said that she loves me but just doesn't fancy me any more. After some discussion she revealed that she stopped fancying me before we got married (this would be approximately 26 years ago!). I asked her why on earth she went through with it then and she said that she felt "Pressured" by me and my family and that things had gone too far (we had bought a house and she was living in it). She did not know anyone else in London and was frightened of being on her own and in anycase she liked me and love/sex just wasn't that important to her (we had actually given it up by then). Now I don't know if this is significant but when we first started seing each other as students she was on the pill and I thought she was hot. Inhibited but hot - at least willing anyhow. After six months she complained of feeling bloated and came off the pill and that was the end of our sex life. She was too inhibited to help with condoms or have any fun like that and we just fizzled out. She seemed to be a different person but ever the optimist I assumed I'd get her back eventually but sadly her spark had gone out.
Incredibly on Saturday she had a brochure from the most expensive hotel in the area and was discussing with D17 us having a silver wedding party. I told her that she is in Cloud Cuckoo Land!
SD - Living in the wrong bird's nest.