You said: "I suspect that Hairdog, GGB, Choc, ZBube, Cemar are all similarly mothered."
To this, I would say: Stop acting like her son. She can't be your mother if you refuse to be her son.
Unfortunately, she might not be able to relate to you in any other way. She needs to expand her repertoire of behaviors. (Sorry to say it, but she sounds like quite a horrible person to live with.) And so do you. You need to act like her husband, or at least somebody's husband. There may be no way out of this except out. I guess you're not supposed to say things like this on a bulletin board whose purpose is to save marriages. Sorry.
A friend I had not seen in a long time bumped into me and X at one of our kid's events. This friend told me later she was shocked at how the X still acts like a little boy around me. He is constantly looking to me for approval still. I do think that was the dynamic we had -- he wanted approval from me, endless amounts of it, because he did not get approval from himself. There is no way that approval from me could override the lack of approval he felt from himself.
I am so impressed when I see people like Honeypot and her H working through these issues. I think they take a very long time to work out. Each party has to be willing to change, and it sounds like a number of you have spouses who are not willing. Even when one is willing to change, it is very hard to do so. It takes time.
My new BF pushes back if I ever treat him in a motherly fashion. It is a totally different experience being with him.
SuperDave, if you have any intention of trying to save your marriage, I would tell her your plans, calmly and without anger: You are done being treated like a child, you want a sexual relationship and that you are preparing to leave. And then make those preparations.
