I’ve been lurking here for a very long time. It’s fascinating.

This site made me understand why my husband divorced me.
He said everything you “HD” folks say: he didn’t feel loved, I initiated, he needed passion, etc.

I had no understanding of what he was talking about. We would ML a couple of times a week, what was the problem? I loved him deeply. True, there was no passion but I thought passion inevitably died with time.

I thought my H was one of the most attractive men I’d ever met, but that didn’t translate into sexual attraction.

We never really got down into the nitty gritty details of what our problem was. Then he started an affair and eventually left me and our children. I was absolutely devastated. It’s taken a long time reading here to comprehend what happened.

But I disagree with the HD and LD labels. I believe a relationship is a DYNAMIC and the two individuals assume roles within the relationship. Someone who is HD in one relationship might be LD in another one and v.v.

I say this because now I am in a new relationship where the sexual bond is amazing and I am definitely HD. Whereas I never thought about sex with my X, now I think about it all the time with my new partner. Who, by the way, the world would not consider nearly as physically attractive as my X .

What’s the difference? My X and I had a mother-son relationship, psychologically speaking. This killed the passion. Oddly enough, even though my X left me because he felt he pursued and I never responded, he did not pursue me in a way that felt sexually compelling to me. He was tentative and not confident about it. The new guy shows me his need in a way that the X never did and we relate as one adult to another. So maybe it was just bad chemistry. But in many of the stories that I read here, where the man is HD and the woman is LD, I suspect that a mother-son dynamic exists.

So here’s what I think: in the kind of dynamic SuperDave and his wife have, major changes need to be made, on both sides. It’s hard work. Often it won’t be successful because the changes that need to be made are so vast.

My hat is off to all of you – you are smart, insightful, courageous in keeping on. And you’ve taught me a tremendous amount. Thanks.