Honeypot, Just a thought. I read on your thread that you now have a frequency of 3 times a week but that it is still not enough. I know what you mean. No matter how much you get it will never be enough because he is not making you feel loved and that is the feeling you really want to feel. My Friday nights were the same. I was taking my pleasure (even though most of the time I was concentrating on her pleasure) and she behaved like a reluctant participant who was not really "there". It becomes soul destroying and the feeling of being unloved gets worse as it dawns on you that there will never be the emotional connection you would love to have. Here follows some over-the-sea emotional connection from SD to HP... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{{{{{{{{{{Honeypot}}}}}}}}}}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There's a lot of waves between you and me and my diagram shows my cuddles to be roughly in the mid Atlantic but by the time you read this I expect they will have arrived. SD xxx
Hi Goddess! I went to Loughborough University so I know Nottingham a bit. I used to go ice skating there most weeks. I live in North West London near Heathrow Airport. Your sitch is not surprising for a HD. As the HD you are the one who tries hardest to fix the R and it is easy for the LD to exploit this and come and go as he pleases. My advice to you is to break away because you are divorced and have no legal or even moral ties to him. You are very young and being HD you deserve someone who has the emotional maturity to love you properly. You only have to read this board to realise that the world is full of loving HD men who would make you as happy as you would make them. SD
I don’t know what to say, but I do wish you well. Your sitch is so similar to mine and my thoughts so similar to the ones you’ve expressed in this thread. So much of what you’ve said has rung true for my R. The consummating of the M three days later (I got it in then, but the whole scene was so miserable that we never completed the act. That took eleven years.). The same unrewarding mercy sex, just more of it. The same feeling that all of our “progress” has been nothing more than self-delusion. IOW, I can identify with you man. I can’t offer anything you don’t already know, but I do understand. And I wish you the best – whatever happens.
SD: All I can say is: Bollocks. This sucks beyond all suckiness. You, one of my inspirations to continue working on this marriage of mine, have given up. Understand, I'm not upset with you for giving up. You have trudged through 25 years of neglect. You did all you possibly could.
But I have to say, I always thought to myself that if you could endure, so could I. Now...what?
Please keep us updated on what happens with you. And I'm with Honeypot. Despite the fact that Ms.SD never did much more than lie on her back and think of England, you owe her a discussion of your future plans. It's not her fault that she is a LD (possibly ND). Asking her to be anything but what she is would be like asking someone blind from birth to describe a sunrise.
SD, My thoughts go out to you guy. That is tough to realize that it's time to cut your losses and move on. There are days when I'm ready for that as well. I wish you the best and hope that something better comes along.
Scott
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
Thanks for your messages guys. Some interesting things have been happening. Actually, Choc, I'm minded of the song "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". Since Friday night I have really backed off. No cuddles (even when I got into bed - unheard of), no ILYs or anything and clearly she has sensed something has snapped somewhere. Three times she came up to me and gave me a cuddle (I reacted as she normally does and treated it as a bit of an irritation but put up with it nonetheless). She even kissed me on the cheek once for no apparent reason - I don't remember her ever doing that before. When I left on Sunday night to come down to Devon instead of the usual peck she kissed me full on the lips, nice and soft too an absolute first as usually the closest I get is sort of near the corner of her mouth (sad isn't it?). I go back home on Wednesday and the way I'm feeling I can keep up this stand back attitude and see just how far she will go to make amends. Friday will be interesting because I'm not going to initiate anything (not even talking about it) and let her decide what happens. Oh and another thing. When I'm away I always phone her about 8pm. Well last night she phoned me first. OK she had some interesting family news but it could have waited so I think that at last she is putting some work in. I feel that there is a glimmer of something to look forward to so I'm feeling a bit better. Quote hairdog "I'm with Honeypot". When you wrote those words HD what went through your mind? Just imagine for a moment the wondeful life (and you're not Hindu so you only get one) if only... POP! - back to reality. SD
Dave: So what does a guy have to do to get a kiss around here? Apparently, around your place, he has to let the woman know that he's nearly done with her.
I'm not surprised she's being more forward. I give it about two weeks, tops, before it's back to business as usual. Unless, of course, you make additional moves to distance yourself.
It sounds like some sort of cruel game to me. Remind me again why we subject ourselves to it? Oh yeah, for the illusion that our marriages might turn out to be wonderful sunny places of solace in the arms of our loved one.
Did I mention I was being cynical this week?
SD, I support you whatever you decide to do. Life is overflowing with choices, or should we call them what they often are: dilemmas.
Sorry you are finding yourself in this place. Just remember you have tried very hard to work on this and in the end you do desreve to be happy.
The thing I think sucks is it sounds like she is playing games. Like oh I may lose him so I will try to be affectionate. Once hooked and hopeful again then I can go right back to my comfortable shell again.
Maybe you should go up to that house and stay for a couple weeks. Maybe that would distance yourself right now and show her for once that you mean business.
I had an interesting job offer (out of the blue) yesterday in Staffordshire, which suprised me. When I mentioned it to my H last night he actually said he would consider moving over there if he could be transferred or find a job himself. It's another AOS on his part, but I didn't even think he'd consider a move like that....it did touch me a bit that he would truly consider doing that in order to make me happy.
BTW, I'm doing much of what you are doing as well. It's because I'm numb and having to protect msyelf, but I'm also being standoffish with my H. He's definitely noticing, and he's doing some things to be affectionate, but he's not really stretching himself. So, as Hairdoggie said...don't be surprised if this is short-term on her part.
I do wish you happiness.