Well here I am again at 3am just as I was when I first posted here 18 months ago, unable to sleep and in turmoil. I decided that I would use this Friday night to try to get our R to move up a gear by suggesting she contribute a little to the LM. I said something along the lines that the only reason I was prepared to accept for her not contributing was if she doesn't love me because if she truely did love me it would surely not be a big problem. We had a long and quite calm conversation and she told me that although she loves me as a member of her family she just doesn't have it in her to kiss me or touch me. There's nothing she can do about it, all she feels is "Pressure". When I look at it rationally the once-a-week "Just Do It" has not built up love and confidence as I had hoped. It is the same unrewarding mercy sex, just more often than before. After a couple of hours of sleepless thought I have decided to back right off and try to quash my feelings for her. It is our 25th year of marriage and I think it will be time to call it a day after that. For the last few months I have been working 200 miles away from home two days a week renovating a house I have inherited. I really enjoy it and am building a life there that is challenging and fun. I am right in the middle of a lively town and go out to a pub in the evenings where I have made some new friends. I will spend more time there possibly a couple of weeks at a time and see how it goes. I just can't face another 25 years unloved. SD
