Quote The subject of this post is "The lies we tell ourselves?" It's a question because I don't know the truth of it. I often write and often read about moving on, coming to terms with the divorce, not taking the ex back if he/she crawled over broken glass begging for another chance unless I was sure about her own personal growth, or how things are actually better without them. Are these truths or just clever lies we tell ourselves in our efforts to aid the healing process? Are we ready to move to surviving the Big D?
I am all over the place with my emotions, for a few days I know that moving on is best, I am attracted to other women. THEN BAM! I wake up, wondering, what if she got on the right meds and got C, would she be like the women I fell in love with or would she be better. Or would she do it to me again, fall of the wagon and start screwing around?
One day I am attracted to other women, even thinking about dating someone, then they say or do something, a red flag goes up and I change my mind. How ------- long is it going to take to know what I want? When I figure it out will there be anybody there for me?
One after the D and 1.5 yrs since OM1, I am no longer losing sleep or constantly thinking about the sit., but I am far from a happy camper. Very easily upset, very skeptical of any R, I am no longer comfortable with the R with my DD16.
In my case I don't know if I lie to myself about moving on, but this crap has left a hole in my heart the size of the grand canyon (well maybe thats a lie) and I wish for this feeling to go away. Sometimes I think if I had a SL with no strings attached, ei no mixing of bills, disciplining children, no wonder whos turn to take out the garbage or mow the lawn (when it was 95 with 110% humidity, I was elected everytime) I would be happy.
Maybe some fine wine, dinner a dance or two, then a "wild night" . I go home or she goes home and we don't stick our nose into the "stupid word wars of marriage", we belong to each other, meaning we are loyal and faithful, but no controlling each other. If she wants to keep her house a mess, run her AC and Heat in the same day its ok. If she wants to buy three heads of lettuce and let them spoil its ok. I just think I want an attractive lady to love me, have a fulfilling SL with, have fun with and romance. I don't want to be responsible for any of her "stuff". But this idea is in competition with my religious beliefs. Is it possible to be married and not deal with each others, shall we say, "dirty laundry".
. I go home or she goes home and we don't stick our nose into the "stupid word wars of marriage", we belong to each other, meaning we are loyal and faithful, but no controlling each other. If she wants to keep her house a mess, run her AC and Heat in the same day its ok.