This is just idle musing for Friday. Life is like one long series of chapters written very slowly. You really can't even remember the first couple chapters. The childhood chapter is just a sequence of pleasant memories thrown together without any intervening parts, like what happened on the 5th day of 3rd grade (unless you have a great memory). It's like watching the highlight film from a football game-just the good or at least exciting stuff.
Then there is the chapter of my first marriage, which is also just disjointed fragments and a vague sense that "things just weren't right" and "I'm glad I'm not still in that marriage".
Then there is the most recently read chapters, the death of a loved one and the ending of yet another marriage. Those chapters are more fresh and the pain more acute, but they still feel now almost like something I read, a chapter that made me cry, as the details begin to fade.
Now on to the current chapter. The beauty of this book is, while proof-reading, re-writing, or corrections aren't possible-the details of those chapters are set in stone-the current and future chapters are entirely in my control. I can decide the content of this chapter and all subsequent ones. The goal here is too write something that I'm proud of when I look back on these chapters.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
No, this is not about firecrackers, bottlerockets, or literal showers of colored lights in the sky. It's about fireworks between two people.
I was wondering if that happened anymore once you've been burned or if you meet someone and have some degree of physical attraction and then from there you determine whether they are otherwise a good fit or have good qualities. Does the stupid, reckless puppy-love of early relationships happen again after divorce, or is it more like a job interview?
That's my current dilemma. I don't feel that anymore. Does a person wait for that to happen, or just be around someone interesting and see what develops. I can't remember the last time I felt the sensation of being madly in love; the desire to be around someone all the time or at the very least have some form of contact continuously. Does that happen anymore? Should I wait for that?
On another thread I saw it written..."Have you ever been so much in love that it hurts?" and I thought about that. That kind of love seems to come to me when it's unreciprocated love. When I feel in love, but it's not returned so it has nowhere to go. I wonder if that's love or just longing. I don't think it's a real, mature love. That kind is boring. It would be fun though to start out with the goo-goo gaa-gaa love that makes you loopy and silly.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Hi Wes, I understand perfectly what you're saying!!!!
I've been D for almost two yrs. Haven't felt much of anything. I've dated a lot and it seems the more I get to know someone, the less I want to be with them. This has happened over and over.
I don't have an answer for your question because I'm not sure if that "silly, loopy, can't wipe the grin off my face" feeling will ever happen for me.
On the other hand, I no longer feel the stress, depression, anger, hopelessness that I felt in my M so I'd rather be where I am now.
Jill (who's still hoping for that giddy feeling of love)
Thanks for your input. Sounds like we're in the same boat. Hi, fellow passenger.
Here's my quote of the day:
Quote: When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us Helen Keller
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I'm off to the Broncos game this weekend with my kids!!
I went out last night with the girl I met again and her son. This one didn't go so well. Talking comes easy. Sometimes I don't shut up though. We also had a reasonable discussion by e-mails on divorces, ex-boyfriends (for her, not me), etc. She said she thought I didn't seem too disturbed by being divorced. I feel a little guilty that I didn't say I had tried to get my X back and did quite a bit of pining away. I just said that it hadn't always been like this and that it had been a process getting to the point I was at. Anyway, I just had more of a struggle last night. I guess it's the feeling she likes me more than I'd prefer at this point and I was perhaps a little more aloof last night as a result. Maybe she didn't notice. I didn't want to be too physical anyway. That shouldn't be a child's first experience with you...making out with his mom. :P
I don't know about this dating thing yet, but I suppose it's a necessary evil.
As for X...we've had limited contact. We've exchanged an e-mail or two and she called a couple times to say she wanted to bring some gifts over...which was nice of her since she really didn't have to. I bought some for her and her kids. This is our first Xmas apart. I'd still like to let her kids know I care. Unfortunately I'm kind of a gifts love language so I tend to get a little excessive.
Anyway, that's all I know. Have a nice Christmas everyone. I'm signing off through the weekend. Ta ta
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Just relax and stay in the moment, Bud. There's no need to plan the wedding or to start running from her. Just realize that this is a nice contrast to those lonely nights, and that you're merely spending a good time with someone who has no stored up, festering resentments toward you.
Merry Christmas to you and yours! I hope this new year brings you both peace and happiness. Let's plan a phone convo when you get back.
Thanks for the holiday wishes. I hope you all had a nice Christmas, although I know you didn't Jo. That sounded like the Christmas from hell. Staying in the barn with animals and their manure would have seemed like a resort in comparison.
My Christmas was excellent. Taking my boys to their first pro football game was the best gift I could have received this year. We had a great time and made memories.
I still feel that some of my experiences are dampened by this lingering divorce cloud, but it's getting better. I'll just keep making pleasant memories to take the place of bad ones.
The subject of this post is "The lies we tell ourselves?" It's a question because I don't know the truth of it. I often write and often read about moving on, coming to terms with the divorce, not taking the ex back if he/she crawled over broken glass begging for another chance unless I was sure about her own personal growth, or how things are actually better without them. Are these truths or just clever lies we tell ourselves in our efforts to aid the healing process? Are we ready to move to surviving the Big D?
To be honest, I'm not quite where I'm ready to be. I can date, but I'm still scared of it. I'm fine most nights by myself or with my kids, but there is still this pall that hangs over me from this divorce. I still wonder if perhaps if I started dating my XW and getting to know her again if there isn't something there. I wonder if the times I miss her are more than simply missing the familiarity that married people share. Not being the one to leave I don't know if it goes both ways and it's a scar that affects the WAS as well. But regardless, I think even if at some level I'm lying to myself about how well things are progressing, it is still healthy. Sometimes you have to talk yourself into things.
I've been receiving this divorce care e-mails for a couple days and wanted to share the first day with you.
Quote: What's Happening? Day 1
Divorce is like a tornado—ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The emotional whirlwinds bring fear, confusion, and despair, affecting you, your children, family members, and friends. You will likely wonder Why did this storm hit my life and why does it hurt so much?
Dr. Jim A. Talley says, "The reality is that divorce is the most painful thing you can go through because it impacts so much of your life. There's no way around or easy way out. And everybody is looking for a painless way out of this whole situation."
It is easier to clean up the physical damage of a tornado than the emotional damage caused by divorce.
"I hated life," says Ginny. "I woke up every morning, and I absolutely hated it. I hated the pain that I woke up with and the pain that I went to sleep with."
You may wish you could get through the pain quicker, but healing is a process, a day-by-day, moment-by-moment process. In order to experience any level of recovery, you must see it through. There are no shortcuts. But take heart, in the coming days and weeks you will see it is possible to heal and to look to the future with hope.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11).
Even the lies we tell ourselves are probably part of this process.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Hey, you meathead! You never called me back! I was looking forward to meeting you. As if XW's rejection of me wasn't bad enough...It then comes from a fellow DBer and friend. Sheesh!
