Quote: To me, leaving the door cracked open means possibly the following: 1) forgiving XW completely, 2) wanting her to be happy, 3) hoping that she grows, 4) detaching completely from that responsibility for any of that, 5) Assuming that if our paths cross in the future, any 'chance' would involve learning, discovering, and falling in love again in a truly new R.
I'll accept this definition. My definition of what "leaving the door open" means was...I'll go on dates and explore other possibilities, but if XW chose to try again that she had a free pass back to me and I'll avoid getting in too deep with anyone for fear she should come back. That's the kind of open door policy that I think is not right or fair.
I still care about and for my XW. I want the best for her and want her to find happiness. I've forgiven. I'm not angry. Sometimes I'm disappointed that things couldn't work out, for the welfare of everyone involved, but I'm a realist and can see that we didn't do the things necessary to save it in time and I honestly don't think we were the same people we were when we met and fell in love. And it's not out of bitterness or angriness that I say that should the opportunity ever come to "start over from scratch" with her, she would still be on probation with me. Once bitten, twice shy (babe).
I agree with everything you said except "water under the bridge". I think that we wouldn't get a clean slate start and I'm not sure I'd be willing to offer that either. I would have to keep my eyes open for proof that things were different. That's why it would be hard to try again and I'm not just speaking about me, it would be equally hard for the X given the strikes against me.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
