Quote: The good thing is I think she pretty much wants no more than I do, someone to do things with and just enjoy the company of.
In other words, neither of you are in a rush, and yet you're not setting up artificial boundaries, right? Sounds like a nice promising connection!
I agree that its not fair to use the new person in any direct way to better one's sitch. And I like how you're focusing on putting into play what you've learned thru DBing and past Rs, not just writing that stuff off as your Xs mistakes, but owning/even discussing your changes.
I'm not sure detaching from the X, and focusing on oneself is hampered by leaving the door cracked open. Perhaps we hold different definitions of this. To me, leaving the door cracked open means possibly the following: 1) forgiving XW completely, 2) wanting her to be happy, 3) hoping that she grows, 4) detaching completely from that responsibility for any of that, 5) Assuming that if our paths cross in the future, any 'chance' would involve learning, discovering, and falling in love again in a truly new R.
This is where GAL activities, including dating, seem very important. I don't see myself able to do many/any? of those without truly seeking to feed my need for female companionship. In my sitch, the quality of women I've found attractive to me has astounded me, and quieted my fears about growing and dying old and alone. I'd expect no less (finding someone, not dying old and alone ) from each of you committed DBers also. The general public of available folks notice these changes, folks.
As I said to Bulldogr last night in a phone convo, I think the attraction and validation from a solid attractive intelligent SO helps to debunk the 'monster' labels many of us have received from our WASs in their hurry to rationalize their quitting the M. Spiritually, many have already received this validation from the sense of unconditional love and acceptance from God. But as we are made human and of flesh, it makes sense to be fed by human sources of validation, especially ones who smell very nice, say pleasant things, and know how to bat their eyelashes and sashay as they walk.
In summary, to lock or weld that door shuts seems unnecessary. My vote is to leave it be, as the other smacks of unresolved anger and unforgiveness. Let it be, get on with making your life marvelous, and if she comes back to talk/flirt/attempt again, consider it a 'new' experience. Attempt to treat her as you would any first interesting contact: with consideration, respect, playfulness, and importantly, self-protective boundaries that allow no inappropriate assumptions based merely on past contact, as that's mere water under the bridge now.
) from each of you committed DBers also. The general public of available folks notice these changes, folks. 
