I know why this happens. It's human nature that when someone changes the dance the other one automatically comes closer to the middle in order to understand what's happening.
I am very lucky in having a best friend who is by profession a shrink. As soon as I stopped pursuing or actively DBing, my husband seemed to snap to attention. This not only confused me but had me in knots all of the time I was around him.
The way she explained it was that in a normal relationship both parties stand together working towards a common goal. It's kind of like envisioning a circle with 2 people in the center. When someone pulls away as our spouses have done, it leave us in the center all alone, and they are somewhere on the perimeter. So all of the time that we are alone in the center we are begging and pleading and threatening, but something snaps and we change the dance. That leaves them thinking wait a minute what's going on here and that's when they start to come closer to figure things out. They don't like when we start to be less predictable.
